Next step in the plan

I actually feel really good today. I had a really busy weekend, of course it always helps to be busy so I don't have to think too intently on things. I will give the story of the weekend so that I can get to how I have made progress on the plan.

Friday night I went to see Avengers with my friend Lori and her work. We started by having dinner at Yard House - it was delicious of course. (Granted not really within my budget nor the diet plan :) ) Then we went to The Avengers! OMG - I loved this movie. Friday was a great fun night.

Saturday - I was moving a bit slow on Saturday but managed to do the grocery shopping and get it home. I changed clothes quickly, did hair and make up then met up with Lori and her sister for our Derby/Cinco day! We started the day with lunch at Hash House a Go Go - I was a little disappointed in my selection - the HUGE pork loin was way too big for the bun and honestly had little flavor. (I had them bring blue cheese dressing so I could dip the pork loin into it. I didn't eat the bun.) Then we headed over to South Point to watch the Kentucky Derby in the Sports area. We met up with Maria and Thuy and had a couple drinks and cheered on our horses. When it was over we parted with Maria and Thuy and headed to Mi Casa at the Silverton. We had drinks at the bar and met up with Potokar. (Jennifer) We had a great time laughing and chatting then ate in their restaurant ($5 for 3 tacos and 2 Coronas) and chatted and laughed some more. I was so exhausted that I was home by 9p and went straight to bed.

Sunday - I got up and lounged a lot :) I did make chili - let it stew all day in the crock pot. I made my own "roasted" beets, and then served at dinner with the chili, a roasted beet, walnut, blue cheese salad. All so good. I worked on a quilt that I started before China.

So why I feel I made a step toward the plan - I worked on the quilt, I have plans to make several meals this week. (The chili kicked it off.) I plan on continuing to work on the quilt. I want to do at least a "row" a day - which I should be able to do even more than that but at least that. I put chores on the refrigerator white board for the boys. I feel pretty good about it.

Part of the plan I am still not doing well at? Money of course... I gambled a bit and of course meals aren't cheap. But again I have set my mind to making more meals and do less gambling.

I forwarded Darren an email I got from Texas de Brazil for Mother's Day. He got my hint - we are going on Sunday :)

May 4th, made it through May Day

so here is my update. Boy has this blog changed from shopping to dieting to mental problems good grief!

As I had mentioned before I am a "plan" kind of girl.

The plan so far - I have reworked the finances. The money is tight over the next month and a half.

•  As for Josh's Football - he has a "lift-a-thon" where he can raise money for it. I am not sure if it will cover it. So I will have to see if I have to some how do some kind of side work to make it up. (Or he will :) )
• Boys' college - unfortunately I am at a time where I think we are going to have to consider loans and grants. So this is one area where I just have to accept that I can't change it.
• In the rework of the finances and reviewing my excel spreadsheet - I have ensured the "savings" part of it. And feel a little better toward how things are - but need to stick to plan.

• Wifely things - I made several meals this week - that actually made me feel better. I do love to cook.
• Cleaning... well I haven't done anything on this one. I need to just set up a day to do a good cleaning and get back to chore lists.

• Boys - well... there are moments. Especially with Josh and Erik where I feel maybe, just maybe I am "good" with them. The boys are my weakness. I love them so much that my heart breaks so easy with them. Who knew having children would be a woman's Achilles heal!? We are so strong about everything else... until they come along.

• Me... dieting, college, selfishness. still working on it. Maybe still selfishly... I am looking at a couple "me" trips. Camping in June with my girlfriends and an all inclusive with another girlfriend in October.
• We are of course planning the Disney trip before Christmas this year - just not sure how exactly yet.

Now there is always the concern that I won't stick to "the plan." I have been so great at sticking to plans before. *hear sarcasm there*

I have heard excellent advice from my dear friends and family. to be honest... and why not be honest here this is me right... I am not ready for counselling or medication (multiple people had these suggestions). Maybe I should be because when I thought over those suggestions I freaked out even more.

So there you have the first update toward returning to my working mental state.

Almost May Day

Some of you may have seen my FB message about having a bit of a mental breakdown. And since not many people read this I feel safe to put what was going on here instead of FB... part of me is opposed to sharing my mental problems - it's like whining in a public forum. GAH I just shouldn't but it helped just to write on a piece of paper so I am hoping putting this out there will help even more.

Friday - I took the day off from work - I have been travelling way too much and many things have been weighing on my mind. Then... the pin that popped the balloon (and it seems so tiny in retro-spect) - I got a letter from a neighbor that said I was "selfish." (Because we had trimmed our bushes and didn't do a good job cleaning the street.) Honestly - I lost it. I was crying uncontrollably. I took a shower and could barely stand from the emotions.

As this was happening I was arguing with Joshua about taking the car - he wanted to just "have" it for the night and not thinking about the other 3 people in the house that may need to go somewhere.

Somewhere along the line - I composed myself. Took the boys to dinner and afterward - wrote a list...

The list is of what I feel I am failing at. I have this overwelming feeling of failure in so many things it is difficult to see anything else. As I sit here - I realize I doubt anyone sees how it is emotionally affecting me. I spend much of my time just holding it together - like broken pieces of a puzzle.

Here is the list:

• Alex may not graduate - we recently got a letter saying because he had a failing grade last semester that he was in jeopardy. He swears he is taking care of this. What hits my gut is - that I (wrongly) looked at other parents thinking how could they let their child fail? I have failed my son by not being a good enough parent.
• Paying for Josh's Football camp - so in the midst of my trying to be better with money - a memo from the school is left on my desk at home for $340. Money is always a stressor. I am failing at being better with my money or I would already have it saved.
• I have not saved or figured out how to pay for my sons' college. Parent failure again
• Going to college myself. All the openings for betterment here at work seem to require me to get a degree - something I have known for a long time and haven't done anything about.
• Dieting - good lord why can't I stick to a healthier eating regimen. It just shouldn't be that hard nor should I be this lazy.
• Saving Money - again, I gamble too often, eat out too much, buy random crap. I even have an excel spreadsheet that tells me exactly what I should be saving, spending and yet I do stupid things.
• I feel I fail as a "wife" - I know the feminists out there would cringe but really the house cleaning - that whole "perfectly spotless" thing - I just can't seem to do it. I try - but the best I can do is 'good enough'. And it isn't as though Darren has EVER complained - it is just one of those things that bothers me.
• Although I love to cook - I get so lazy. I frequently don't make dinner - not nearly as often as I should. Another "wifely" failure.
• I am selfish. I fail so many of my friends by not reaching out to stay in contact. To be that 'friend.' I look to save money for my own benefit - go on trips etc instead of things like pay for my sons' football camp...
• Although mentioned before - I fail getting promoted at work
• As a supervisor - there is so much more I could be doing. I could be doing better.
• I travelled so much I feel like I don't know my sons nor have an impact on their being. So when they are selfish, or talking back...I feel I failed them as a parent.

So there is the list I wrote on a notebook at stop lights that night. As things creep up - I tend to say there is another...

I know I need a plan. That is how I deal with things - unfortunately I am in that mind set that I may fail the plan. I am also not posting this for pity or attention. Just trying to get what is fogging my head out. I am sure as I hopefully work through the list - I will keep the updates here. The weight is heavy on my mind. I have avoiding discussing this in front of the boys or Darren or in any public place - a couple people have called and that is why I just say "fine".

After Easter Week

Last week started well and ended poorly in regards to eating. My sister, Shawn, my son, Erik, and I visited Dad in Yuma. I ate way too much. It didn't help that Aunt Flo was visiting and making me SUPER hungry. I won't recap everything - just know there was lots of cheese involved. And one morning a chicken fried steak GAH!

I have begun a 1200 calorie vegetarian diet today. So far here is where I am at:

Breakfast - 1/2 grapefruit (50 calories) with Splenda, plain cheerios (w/splenda) (100 calories) with 1/2 cup almond milk (35 for a whole cup - so 17). I split the milk between my cereal and my coffee. So breakfast was 167 calories.

Snack - 2 clementines - 70 calories

Lunch: 110 calorie Everything bagel thin, roasted veggies - red pepper (6 calories), Eggplant (10 calories), red onion (4 calories), yellow squash (approx 8 calories), 2 - marinated artichoke quarters (25 cal) - 153 calories I brushed them with a bit of olive oil and did them on the griddle. so maybe 170 total

I also had a salad with greens a cup maybe cup and half - (16) and small (tablespoon or less of) garbonzo beans (14), red onion (<4), black olives (10), sunflower seeds (approx 30), celery (4 little kernals - 0), carrots (7), water chestnuts (10). I put less than a teaspoon of olive oil (40 cal) and about a tablespoon of basalmic (10 cal) on it. 141 calories total

1 plum - 30 calories, 1 cup of mandarins in juice (didn't drink the juice) 50 calories

So shockingly - I am at 628 calories.

I plan on making the EatingWell.com recipe for Roasted Red Peppers Stuffed with Kale and Rice - 171 calories and a fruit. And I am about to grab a 100 calorie popcorn :)

Another step to a new me... I hope!

April and the food delima

I thought I had updated this since Saturday but apparently not. Sorry about that. Let's see where was I... oh yes Saturday...

Saturday - I took the boys to breakfast before our housecleaning. I was very proud of myself as I ordered oatmeal and only had the raisins and 1/2 the brown sugar scoop. I added splenda and called it good. We went home and cleaned all of downstairs and most of upstairs. So I treated them to a movie (they went to see Hunger Games and I went to see Mirror Mirror.) Then we went to lunch. And well had I known... I would have done better. We went to Steak and Shake. I ordered their double with cheese - their meat is VERY thin - so actually when I did look it up - it was 440 calories. Which really... had I ONLY had that - it would have been ok. But no... I had the fries and then a shake too (which I didn't drink all of.) I don't even like their shakes (they are kind of grainy - like they don't use real ice cream.)

Lunch was very late - we got home about 4p, then I did the grocery shopping. By the time all was completed - I had a couple clementines and called it a day. (So no real "dinner" to make up for the ridiculous lunch.)

Sunday - I had a 110 cal bagel w 1/8 cup of egg beaters (1/4 = 30 cal, 1/8 = 15 - I just don't like egg that much) I put in onion and spinich. I took my car in for an oil change and got two new tires. I also got my toes and eyebrows done. Then went home, had lunch - a 100 cal bagel w/ 2 thin ham slices (approx 20 cal) and 1 oz of rotissere chicken w/o skin = 30 cal with red onion and brown mustard and cantalope and a 100 calorie latte flavored ice cream bar. Then I cleaned my room and bathroom. Afterwards - I treated myself to Bingo :)

And another set back... I stopped at the grocery store on the way home and after my wanderings I was too late to make meatloaf. So I stopped at McDonald's on the way home. I got a burger no fries. 490 calories YIKES! I had some more cantalope.

That brings me to Monday. I had a 110 everything bagel w/ 1/8 cup egg, spinch, onion and 1 pre-cooked bacon slice (18 cal) chopped up and 1/2 a grapefruit.
Snack - 2 clementines
Lunch - we had Mimi's - I had their Grilled Vegetable Flatbread Wrap - 475 calories
Snack - 100 cal popcorn and a plum
Dinner - Homemade Meatloaf (350), mashed potatoes (130), green beans and bread (250). (unfortuantely with a bit more butter than I should have.)

That catches us up so far. I do so well for breakfast now to get it through the rest of the day.

I have chatted with a friend of mine who is Vegan (only because she is allergic to dairy and well never really liked meat anyway) - anyway... I am researching and thinking of attempting a vegetarian diet. If I am going to do this though - I want to be in the right mind set. So "attempting" is obviously not the right mind set. So I will keep looking up recipes and nutritional information before I commit.

Let me know you are out there. I really appreciate the feed back. I can't do this without you. Also let me know if you want to see anything else here. I could work on the "random" thoughts again :D

Made it through first week back

Yesterday went well. I had oatmeal with a small amount of craisins and raisins and almond slivers with a half a grapefruit. I had two clementines for a snack. I ate at Chili's for lunch. They had a part of their menu designated as Lighter Choices and had one of those scan codes that you could use to find out their calorie content - so I had a small steak with broccolli - 260 calories (with salsa - which I didn't eat) Then I had an apple and 100 calorie popcorn for my afternoon snack.

Dinner was at one of my favorite Indian Food places. I ordered the Dal Lamb - lentil stew with lamb. I had about 3 pieces of the lamb, I also had 2 pieces of Lori's chicken that was in Tikka Masala. We had garlic Naan but brushed with olive oil instead of butter (Potokar is mostly Vegan - so avoids butter when she can but doesn't worry if she gets a little bit. She is allergic to dairy - it isn't that she doesn't like eating animals.) Also basamiti rice with nuts, peas and carrots. So overall I think I did really well! One website said there was approximately 394 calories in Dal Lamb - but I had maybe half a serving - so even I had 500 calories for dinner (which I think I did) I am still at or near the 1200 for the day.

As you can tell I really enjoy grapefruit and my popcorn :D

I forgot to mention, thank you for reminding me Coni! I am at 249.4 so up 6 pounds from the beginning of March :( I was a bit hungrier when I first got back but seems to have tapered off now. But then again - next week Aunt Flo visits again.. bleh.

End of the Week after Vacation

So I made it through the rest of the week at work! I did pretty well eating all week... until last night. But let's recap:

Monday - the everything bagel thin w/ egg beaters and spinich. Lunch was a salami sandwich (1 oz is 96 calories) on a 110 calorie bagel with red onion and a 1/2 teaspon of mayo and a tsp of brown mustard and a clementine and half an apple. I was still hungry so I made another sandwich but instead of the mayo/mustard I used Laughing Cow Garlic and Herb cheese for 35 calories. I had a bag of 100 calorie popcorn. Dinner - I made homemade Chicken Lettuce Wraps. I chopped the chicken very fine, cooked with with a bit of olive oil - then sauteed/marinated it in a mix of hoisin and soy sauce. Then I sauteed onion, carrots, water chestnuts and shitake mushrooms in olive oil with a bit of garlic. I added this mixture to the chicken and served it with butter lettuce leaves. YUM! I also made flat bread pizzas - using Naan Bread from the store, added sprinkles of finley chopped pear, spinich, shallot and mozzerella. I also sauteed garlic in olive oil and brushed the oil on the bread prior to the spinkles. Also YUM! I had 1 lettuce cup and 1/2 a naan bread.

Tuesday - back to work (sigh) - I brought my egg beater sandwich for breakfast and had half a grapefruit. For lunch I had a 220 calorie lean cuisine and two clementines. I had a 100 cal bag of popcorn and an apple for a snack. Dinner - Lean Cuisine 220 calories and two clementines.

Wednesday - cream of wheat w/ 1 oz of dried fruits and 1 tbls of walnuts. Snack - 1/2 grapfuit. Lunch - Lean Cuisine - 200 calories, apple and a whole wheat light english muffin. Snack - 100 cal popcorn and 2 clementines. Dinner - I ate out with my friend Lori at Sammy's Woodfire Pizza - I looked up their calorie content before I went - so I had 3 steak skewers (2 = 100 calories so about 150), Tomato Soup w/out oil (approx 110 calories - I didn't eat the chunks of tomatoes but it did have a little bit of cheese in it), half the chopped chicken salad with dressing on the side and no tomatoes. (approx 300 calories - I think less because I didn't have the tomatoes and I didn't use hardly any dressing)

Thursday - 1/2 grapefruit, plain cheerios w/splenda and 1/2 cup of skim milk (that I didn't drink.) Snack -an apple, lunch we ate at Sweet Tomatoes - a salad bar place. I had salad w/ garbonzo beans, beats, cucumber, zuchinni, carrots and dressing on the side. I did get some bread and butter pickles but stayed away from cheese and croutons. I also got a plain baked potato. (again no cheese, bacon, butter, sour cream!) I got one 97% fat free bran muffin that had orange and cranberry in it. 3 bites of macaroni and cheese. Then had a small cup of their fat free frozen yogurt. I had a bag of 100 calories popcorn for a snack.

Dinner is where I messed up... I ordered pizza for the boys. I went and nuked a left over dinner from before (it had been in the freezer) it was chicken with a sort-of cream onion sauce on top, brown rice and broccoli. I ate most of it. But when the pizza came - I ended up having 2 pieces! dang it!

Today is breakfast day - I will be having oatmeal from downstairs with a half grapefruit. Maria and I are eating out for lunch - hopefully somewhere that has good salads - maybe back over to Sammy's Woodfire. Dinner tonight is Indian. ACK - how I love that food. I am currently researching my best options. :)

Well I look forward to getting back in the swing of things and would love to hear from you all!

Vacation is over time to start again

I only have a couple trips to go then nothing really planned. Next week - 04/05 - 04/08 I am going to Yuma with my sister, Shawn, and Erik. That shouldn't be too hard to stick to the diet - except that my favorite Mexican restaurant is there. If I am good until then and that is my only "bad" meal I should be ok. Then April 16-20 I go to Fort Lauderdale to attend our Eastern Region Sales meeting. I am not sure how that will go.

The vacation was awesome! I can't wait to do another cruise. I think all my savings will go to doing that. Yes I think I am addicted to cruises! We went from Fort Lauderdale to Princess Cays (Princess's private beach) to Curacao and then to Aruba. (Oranjesteed) I snorkeled in each location - I could have done it twenty more times! In Princess Cays, I saw many fun fish including a flounder. I almost missed him - had he not moved I wouldn't have seen him at all. Stacy talked a couple of us into doing the "banana boat" which you sit on an inflatable tube/banana shaped thing - hold on for dear life as the drag the thing around in the water. We all fell off on the first hard turn. As I was trying to get back on (mind you I have like no upper body strength to try and pull my fat behind back up on top of it) as they tried to pull me up - I felt something hurt in my chest just under my left boob. I managed to pull/bruise something because it ended up hurting the rest of the week (and currently still does).  In Curacao I got to see a sunken tug boat and more fun fish. We snorkeled out from a little cove on the other side of the island. Then in Aruba I got to see a sunken ship -  a "pirate" boat that took us there. Then they moved us more inland and got to snorkel in the cove where I saw a really pretty black fish with glowing blue spots - all the fish seemed to glow. It rained a little bit on us as we were snorkeling but it was just lovely! Then back on the Pirate boat - Stacy did the rope swing - with my hurt chest and lack of upper body strength I didn't think it was a good idea for me. It was a great time! On board the Crown Princess, I played several sessions of Bingo, we watched a comedian one night and one of their production shows another night. We ate at the Crown Grill (steak house) - one of the most delicious steaks I have ever had, and we ate at Sabatini's (Italian) another night it was also very good, but not as good as the steak house to me. Mostly we hung out and relaxed. The last day I sat up on deck and read for about an hour and guess who got sunburned? Yep - on the last day. I am a dork. We played cards and listened to music. I was sad to say good bye to the gang and to vacation.

I took today off as well so I could do laundry and clean up. Back to work tomorrow.

I did start back to the diet today. I had an "everything" bagel-thin (110 calories), egg beaters w/chopped spinich and half a grapefruit. I found out that 3 oz of spinich is 20 calories, I put .8 of an oz on there so I am thinking it was practically nothing (or around 5 or 6 calories)

San Francisco - March 2012

I am here in San Francisco, CA on my last day of the 3 day "Successful Training Manager" course by Langevin. The class is going pretty well. I am reminded that I am a terrible student and have to really focus myself to absorb all the knowledge that is being shared. But it is a pretty good class. I have managed to single myself out by answering the "brain teasers" the instructor has been giving. And managed to stick my foot in my mouth yesterday... all in the day of me I guess.

Food wise - I returned from China on February 25th and weighed myself shortly after I came back to find that I had lost .3 of a lb. (240.0) not real significant. And I have not been eating well since AND neglecting my blog. I won't recap "everything" for you but let me say there has been McDonald's, Pizza, fried foods and serious over eating in my weeks since returning.

And now that I look back over the past two weeks... a serious LACK of fruit and veggies. Twice I went to Sweet Tomatoes (Salad Bar place) but I did have frozen yogurt and baked potatoes as well as my salad but when I was so used to having a piece of fruit with every meal prior to China and to see that I haven't been doing that now... well if you take anything away from this - EAT FRUIT! (Oh and drink more water.)

But let's look at my bad choices this week:
Monday went to work in the morning and had eggs, hashbrowns and a biscuit with gravy. (Mind you the biscuit is HUGE and I couldn't eat it all - but still, gravy really?) Lunch I stopped at my favorite bar (they have REALLY good food) - I had their "prime rib sliders." 3 rolls with yummy meat and ah jus. Sadly they didn't seem to have the horseradish they normally do but I ate them anyway. And two of the onion rings. I raced home from that to finish packing and get to the airport. At the airport I grabbed a black tea from Coffee, Bean and Leaf. In San Francisco, after we made the hour trek via the Super Shuttle (I don't recommend it for anyone! Take BART and/or other public transit), we went to the Wharf and ate at Fisherman's Grotto. I got their Combo Plate (I opted NOT to have it fried thinking maybe slightly healthier) it came in a creamy rosemary-ish sauce with rice and broccoli. I ate most of it except 2 scallops. (Crab, Shrimp, Scallops, Calamari) Then I didn't resist sharing a boston cream pie with my co-worker. (It was like fudge, cake and a hint of bavarian cream in the middle.)

Tuesday was first day of class - we opted to try to have the "continental" breakfast in class. A croissant and blueberry muffin later I was still hungry.  I had OJ and Coffee... and hot tea. (I forgot to mention - Aunt Flo will join me this week which ALWAYS makes me hungrier.) I had another croissant and a couple mint chocolates from the table. We went to eat at In and Out burger... did I have a single? Oh NO! Double Double, fries and Iced Tea. (I am a dumb ass.) I picked up a bag of popcorn at WalGreens. Ate some of that around 230 in class (with a couple more chocolates :( )
I met a long time friend for dinner that night. I ended up walking from Embarcadero and Market to Market and 2nd. Then we walked together from Market/2nd to Townsend/2nd then to Townsend and 8th. It was quite the walk. (there was an accident downtown and messed up the bus we were to take.) We ate at a mediterrean place near her husband's work. He works at Zynga! I got to tour their building. So very cool. What a fun place to work. Oh... I had lamb kabobs, hummus and a bit of rice and a flat bread/tortilla like thing. Also a potato latke and of course walnut baklava. at Zynga I also had cereal (they had many break rooms) and a Cherry Coke Zero.

Wednesday - my co-worker and I ate at a little diner across the street. 2 eggs over-med, country potatoes and sourdough toast with bacon. Lunch we ate at Hot Spud - little off the beaten path place - had a "steak potato" - steak, alfredo sauce, corn, peas and black olives. It was very good. Oh and a Root Beer. Last night we wandered (took a local bus) over to a steak house called Harris's Old San Franciscan. (I SO should have checked prices!) But we ate there anyway. I had Prime Rib, Baked potato, bread, little cracker things with spreadable sharp cheddar and their version of baked Alaska. cake, lemon ice cream, meringe with lemon curd on the plate. It was very good - I was WAY too full - we walked back to the hotel.

Today - I would like to say I will eat better - but I am here all day again and have a late flight back.

8 days til cruise! I am so excited!

Bejing - that last couple of days recap

Looks like I left off around lunch time on Wednesday.

Wednesday night I had dinner out with Melissa - we were going to try and get Indian food but it wasn't open yet - so we walked around a bit and ended up at a Thai place. We had red curry chicken, almond crusted shrimp and pork ribs with pineapple fried rice. It was delicious.

Thursday - I had basically the same thing for breakfast that I had most mornings. Bowl of cereal (but this time I put diced peaches in it), a croissant and an egg with bacon and a couple potato wedges. Lunch - Melissa and I went to the Peking Duck place not far from the office. So more duck pancakes and a tastey green veggie with weird (but good) nuts. Dinner was with Weiling - I had donkey burgers :) He ordered it first cubed and in a soy-based sauce with seasonings. He also ordered tofu, green veggie. Then we got the donkey chopped fine and served in a bread roll-like thing that was crispy on the outside and they put some peppers inside. It was really very good.

Friday - this time I had them make me an omelet. (If only I would have had them do this every day!) A bowl of cereal with fruit. Lunch - I got out late from my class so I went by myself to the place Melissa and I had gone to on Tuesday - I got the lamb pancakes again and tried the "Chinese burger." I ordered a spicey one (not on purpose) but it was very good also. Dinner was down in the market area - Melissa and I walked around a bit first and shopped. I picked up a couple last minute things and then we had Indian food. Chicken Tikka Masala,Lamb Quorma, garlic naan,  and veggie pakora and I had Mango juice for a drink :) The service was pretty bad but the food was really good.

As we were walking after dinner - we decided to splurge on a 'crepe.' Many places had these flat, circular griddle type things - they would take a batter, spread it around with this bamboo tool and then flip it - what they put inside it depended on the place you were at. At the Crepe place we saw - it was a dessert type place. Melissa got one with bananas, whipped cream and nutella. I got one with peaches, whipped cream and they put chocolate sauce inside. (yum!) After the crepe - I had a massage appointment (same place as the week before.) Again you can't beat a 1 hour - full body massage for $27. By the time I got back to the hotel it was after 10pm.

Saturday morning - I got them to make a waffle (this had not been turned on the entire time I was there and they had to heat it up when I asked.) They got this "mixture" that was very thick... it almost looked like super frozen ice cream they had to scrape out and put it in the waffle iron. (He didn't put in enough and it was like a mini waffle) It was very dry but had a good flavor. Then I tried (finally) the crepe thing they had been serving the whole time I was there (but too scared to ask for it hehe) - they made the crepe, then broke and egg over it and scraped it around (like they did to spread the crepe), then they put mu-shu sauce on it, some chopped green onions, then some fried wontons - then folded it up like a burrito. This was pretty good also.

I had to repack to get everything to fit. I was SO happy to not be in 4 layers of clothes. I wore thin sweat pants, a t-shirt and my black Nike sweatshirt (with tennis shoes) to the airport. My checked bag weighed barely over 18 kilos (just under the 20 limit). It took an hour to get to the airport (bleh) and then I immediately headed for food :) Burger King. best freaking burger ever. (At least it seemed like it :) ) Then it took an hour to get through immigration and then security. (ok so I think it was more like 35 minutes but felt like an hour.) I walked around a bit and bought a couple more little things. And then it was off to the plane.

I did actually manage to sleep for about 3 hours total. I slept for an hour and woke up for about an hour then managed to sleep for about 2. The food was "bleh" on the plane (of course.) I watched Three Musketeers, most of In Time - on their screen. On my dvd player - I watched Clash of the Titans.

In San Francisco - it took an hour+ to get through customs, get my bags and re-check them with United and get through security again. I ate a BLT(no T, with Avocado) at Gordon Birsch. Then on my delayed flight home I was in and out of sleep.

I took a nap when I got home (after I gave the boys their T-Shirts and jade figurines.) Then we went to eat at California Pizza Kitchen. I had my favorite - Tortilla Pizza (black beans, salsa, lettuce, spiced ranch and lime chicken). When we got home I cleaned out all the nasty rotted food from the refrigerator. Erik and I went to Smith's to get groceries. I still need to go to Sam's today when the boys get back with the car. By the time I got into bed it was 11p and the puppies slept with me :)

I only woke up a couple of times but managed to go right back to sleep. I hope this is a good sign for me to bounce back to the right time.

Things I won't miss about China (from my FB post)
Guys "hawking a loogey" and spitting it EVERYWHERE
Smoking in Restaurants
Clear Broth Soups
Noodles
Smog
4 layers of clothes
the bitter cold
not being able to order at a restaurants
smooshing into the subways with hundreds of others
smooshing into elevators

extras -
Bikes (and the people on them) who will run you over if you don't pay attention
The run down, littered, beat up area I had to walk to work every day in/through

Things I will miss:
I did get try many different and good foods
Most of the people I worked with there (super nice)
Not getting to see/do more touristy type things.

and that is it. The end of that adventure. I am looking forward to getting back on track with my eating and back to my home routine.

Bejing Week 3 day??

I have pretty much thrown healthy eating to the wind. I know I could likely make better choices but again I have only seen one place that seems to do "salad" and it is on the complete other side of town. (Near the Yashow [Yaixu] Market.) So I take what I can.

Monday - I had breakfast - a bowl of cereal, a pear and a little bit of potatoes and eggs but the egg was cold and wasn't very appetizing. For lunch Melissa (co-worker - Chinese Aussie) and I had pizza at Pappa Johns. It was this little pan pizza with ham and pineapple. It came as a 'set' which came with tiny side salad and a soup. The salad was a bit of mixed greens and thousand island dressing. (No choices on dressing) The soup said it was pumpkin soup... it had some kind of fish in it that I did not like. Dinner - the other co-worker (Weiling) took me to a different "hot pot" place.  This one had the heating element in the table and they served it in a large stew pot. The broth had duck in it. (a whole duck mind you) First we tried the broth, then we tried the duck, then we pulled turnips up and ate those. Then they added more broth and then we cook other meats and veggies in the broth. Then at the end they did "hand pulled" noodles table side and tossed those in. It was all very good.

Tuesday - cereal and eggs and potatoes. I had a croissant also. Lunch - Melissa and I went to the building next door and had "Chinese" - we ordered lamb with pancakes (this was very much like the Peking duck - small pieces of meat, mixed with mu-shu sauce that you wrapped in thin rice wrappers with cucumber and a spicey root thing.) I really like this type of food. We also had a "noodle bowl" - it reminded me of flatter spaghetti with bolgnese sauce - it had meat and seasoning and spices - but not a lot of sauce. We also ordered a green leafy veggie with garlic. It was VERY good - I wish I would have known about this place sooner! In the afternoon as I was preparing for my class today - I ran out of tape - so I found one of the managers who was in my class the first week (who gave me the tape in the first place) so she could help me get more tape. She asked how I was doing and invited me to dinner. We ate at a "fusion" place called Post Script. We had sweet and sour pork and (I think it was) lamb again pancakes :) We also ordered an unusual squash that they had put ham, bread crumbs and parm cheese on the top. The squash had very large seeds and was only "ok." Then I couldn't resist - they had the largest selection of desserts I have ever seen - so I had their bread pudding that was pretty good.

Today - I had eggs and potatoes and decided to put ketchup on them :) Then I had a couple crackers with cheese and smoked meat and a pear. Lunch Weiling took me to a noodle place - rice noodles, chicken, mushrooms, some kind of pickled root, lettuce and peanuts in a clear broth. It was pretty good.

3 more days til I come home! WEEEE! Then back to eating right!

Additional things I have noticed in Beijing:
Yes getting on a bus or the subway removes your right to personal space.
On the side of town I am on - there are not many "foriegners" - so I still get stares like "what are you doing here?"
Many (and I mean MANY) men carry their woman's bag.
Many other men have "murses"
I have seen on several occasions the Chinese twin of my son Josh. Skinny jeans, shoes that match the clothes, hair done (only much... bigger), earphones in...
Chinese eat the same type of food for breakfast, lunch and dinner. They don't appear to have "breakfast" foods. (Like our eggs/hashbrowns, oatmeal/cold cereal)

Beijing Week 3

This morning I had bad news. Darren called - he is in UT with the family. His mother had a terrible car accident. Apparently she lost control of the car and was hit by a semi or she hit a semi. It was very hard to hear him on the phone. She has many broken bones and is having surgery for her broken hip. I feel completely helpless here and wish more than anything I could teleport there. Darren said she is stable now and that I needn't try to come home early. So as it stands - 5 more days.

This weekend:
I met a co-worker at "Yashow" (Yaixu) Market. There is a fancy mall next door with all the high end brands. and numerous places to eat, in the mall and in the surrounding area. We opted for a Mediterrean place behind the market.I had mousakka, hummus and pitas. All very good. We walked around for hours. I shopped and haggled for gifts at the Yashow Market. (Actually  Melissa did most of the haggling - we pissed off at least 2 vendors - especially the t-shirt girl - got 3 t-shirts for 75 RMB so abut $11 - she originally wanted about $15 each). Melissa was meeting friends that evening - she gave me directions to a Massage place - I had a wonderful massage for about $25. I walked back to the market place and wandered around a little bit then had dinner at a Spanish Tapas place. Had Sangria, and three different tapas. All very tastey. By the time I returned to the hotel it was 11pm. Sunday - I decided to venture out again for a few more trinkets - I went back to the market area - I put on my serious/mad face and walked quickly through the isles. When I finally decided I would go ahead and get a purse - I found a place off the main walkway but I really didn't see one I liked. There were two stores next to each other and the second one the lady was a bit more persistent. I prefer purses that are small to medium in size and the large bags seem to be what is in style. She handed me a "Prada" bag in brown leather - which actually does look nice but I maintained that it was too big and too many pockets. She really wanted me to have the bag - she originally told me 480 rmb - I told her forget it that is $80 US and that I don't even really like it that much. She of course asked my price - so I told her 120 RMB :) She tried to go up on the price twice and I told her no, set it down, said I don't even like it that much. She of course said ok ok 120 maybe you will find another bag you like more and this one you can use some times. It was quite comical.

I ate lunch down there again, this time at La Pizza - which had excellent pizza. I went back to the hotel, watched a movie then had dinner at KFC - which I think upset my stomach as I woke up in the middle of the night not feeling so good. I watched another movie before bed.

I did get a few souviners and am pretty happy with the price I paid. It was also really nice down there to see people from many different countries. I didn't feel as "isolated" as I did the first two weeks. I am still definitely looking forward to going home.

Beijing Week 2 Day 5

Yesterday was not a good day... I felt completely hungry a short time after I had lunch. I ate at the place across the street - Mr Noodle or something like that. I normally have their Kung Pao Chicken (like) dish - but thought hot soup sounded good so I got their noodles in broth with pork and veggies. It was very good. However about 230 I felt like I could eat another complete meal. I went over to 711 and got what looked like a peanut butter sandwich - I think it was nutella. (I haven't had it before so I am not sure.) I also got their version of chips. They were like super crispy potato crackers.

The co-worker who took me on the adventure to "hot pot" took me to Peking Duck. We had quite a long subway ride but the place was actually quite nice. (Except that people smoked at the tables.) Peking Duck is yummy. The "duck insides" he had me try - were... ok. They were spicey so I used that as the excuse not to have any more of them. The "bone" soup - was not good at all.

I got back to the hotel about 830pm. I watched the last of NCIS. I can now say I have watched 200 episodes of the show. So I am not out of TV shows and will have to move onto the movies I brought. I may do a Harry Potter Marathon on Sunday.

I am VERY excited - Melissa - the Australian girl is meeting me for lunch tomorrow and go shopping. There is definitely something about being able to communicate at a normal pace.

7.5 days left - 5 working days - 2 weekend days! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

The PA Manager took me to lunch today - he (and 3 of his team) took me to the Japanese place down the street that I have gone to a couple of times. They went a little crazy ordering things. There was WAY too much food. I had a "nut and fruit" salad which had thousand island dressing on it. A few pieces of sashmi, a few pieces of the roll I like, a few pieces of a new roll - which was shredded raw salmon inside and pieces of salmon on top and a mayo type sauce. They also had ordered some steak that was cooked teppanyaki style with garlic - it was very good.

I should be able to log in from the hotel this weekend. I can't begin to state the relief I feel for having only one week left.

I found many silly errors in my grammar - I think being here is affecting they way I speak. ACK!

OH by the way - next week's meal adventure may very well be "donkey"... oh boy.

Beijing Week 2 Day 3 or is it 4

I am very disappointed in that I can not for the life of me make good choices here for food. But it isn't like they sell "salad" and, well, many things are beyond where my adventure-ness ends.

Yesterday - i had the one egg and smoked turkey figuring it was better than bacon. And limited myself to a couple slices of potato. For lunch they invited me down to the employee lunch room. Where I pointed at things that looked remotely normal. I had veggies and I think pork and slightly different veggies and I think chicken. The pork one also had squid in it - which I picked out. This came with a soup and rice. I ate maybe 4 bites of the rice and the soup was pretty cold so I did not have much of it.

Then dinner time... I didn't feel like walking much of anywhere and with knowing I am going out tonight - I decided to eat at the hotel. They have a buffet. I tried a small amount of their spaghetti bolognaese (it was actually pretty good), a chicken leg, thai fried chicken (1 piece - it was pretty fatty) and then some mushu-duck rolls - which I had to cut off half of the roll as there was a lot of wrapper and not much duck inside. I did have a little mixed greens with "french" dressing. (It is yellow and kind of tastes like honey mustard) But nothing else looked appetizing at all - from things sitting in oil to dried out looking sashimi - I broke down and had a small piece of what ended up being cheese cake (actually good), tried their tiramasu (yuck) and their "egg tart" which I usually love those things - but they were not good there. So then had a cream puff which was marginal. This with 2 glasses of orange juice.

There are days when I can't help but think that I am destined to be fat. I also know I am the only who can control it - have to make the right decisions.

I also know I should be ecstatic about being here. It is a one in a life time opportunity. Darren keeps asking me what I have seen and done and thinks I should be out all the time. I just haven't really felt motivated to wander around on my own. Which is weird since I went every where I could when I was in England. *sigh* maybe this weekend since I am feeling better.

Well 9 days left til I go home.

Beijing Week 2 day 3

I am half way there! WEEE. It is like the hump day of all hump days. It is weird the elation I feel in knowing that I am that much closer to going home!

Yesterday was an "on my own" kind of day. I ate a mix of cereal - raisin bran/corn flakes/rice krispies - still not more than a cup. I don't drink the milk - it is full fat milk. A glass of OJ and cup of tea. I ate a pear when I got in to the office and then for lunch had a 6" subway sandwich with cheese, roast beef and turkey. Sadly I did have a cup of soda and chips. Then a Nestle equivalent to a kit kat bar in the break room caught my eye. When I left work I headed straight over to the Japanese Sushi place - it was quite busy - I forgot it was Valentine's Day. I got my normal 4 pieces of roll (mango, crab, apple) but also got a "pork and cheese" thing that was breaded and fried - I know bad choice. When I went back to the hotel I changed into my pj's, watched NCIS and ate Ritz Crackers (again another bad choice.) So today - I had 1 egg, 2 small little slices of smoked turkey, three slices of potato and 2 clementines. Not sure the plan for lunch yet - but I do plan on less rice and less fried foods.

Here are some observations from China:
The men spit... all the time. And it is always that "hocking a loogey" sound right before it. (Yes it is gross)
It is dirty here... I am not sure if it is because it is winter and no one wants to be outside cleaning. But there is trash everywhere, broken things all over. Even just in the small walk from the hotel to the office is pretty bad.
The women walk in twos and are usually holding arms or hands.
95% of the women are just what you imagine - the exotic beauties - gorgeous skin, perfect hair
The men... not so much
I have come to enjoy plain hot water - maybe because it is so cold
They have many different kinds of teas - one that I have been frequently having is from flowers - yes dried flowers in hot water - persimmon I believe it is called.
Frequently there is the smell of "sewer" sometimes in buildings sometimes outside - you never know when it will hit you.
Frequently in public restrooms you have to get your toilet paper from a dispenser outside the stall.
MANY of them DO NOT wash their hands after.

That is all for now. Hope I am not boring you out there.

Beijing Week 2 - 2.2

I think we underestimate or take for granted having people around us that speak our language. It truly is like being on an island and you only have Wilson to speak to. Being in a foreign country not being able to speak their language very much feels like that. Hunting for food, speaking to people who often times don't speak back. (Even the ones who somewhat understand your language.) I have learned that I am far too social a person to ever to survive being stranded on a deserted island. If I didn't find a way to float off that island I may be found in a cave rocking back and forth speaking to my imaginary friends. Thank GOD for the internet, Skype, Mobile Phones and apps that somewhat help the language barrier. But still to be able to walk over to my co-workers cubes and talk about random topics will never be taken for granted again.

To be able to call up my best friend and complain about kids and jobs and the need for a massage

To hear my sons argue, ask me for the millionth time - "what's for dinner"

Although I can never fully "understand" being "deaf" or "mute" as I can still marginally communicate - it feels (what I would think is) somewhat similar.

This trip has been an adventure for sure. Thursday night sounds like I will get to try Peking Duck with the same co-worker that took me to the last adventure of Chinese Hot Pot. oh boy...

Beijing Week 2 - 2

I definitely had an adventure last night. The co-worker who took me downtown for "Chinese hot pot" although incredibly nice and although not "perfect" English, could be understood. The place is on "Gui St" - pronounced Gwee not gooey. Which apparently is a pretty well known restaurant row. However, we did not go to one of the fancy lit up places - oh no! We went to a dirty little hole in the wall. (I do not know the name of it.) I think it had 7 tables. We sat at a wobbly one in the back. The staff wiped most things onto the floor from the tables. The main guy who cut the meat (2 feet from our table) also smoked and not once did I see him wash his hands. Hot Pot - is basically like broth fondue. They use a copper pot that has a flute like contraption in the middle where they load in the coals/hard wood. This boils the water that surrounds the flute. (mind you there is no "dishwasher" or official place to wash the thing.) They heated the coals outside in a open bar b que type thing. The plate, bowl, spoon and glass came in a shrink wrapped package and packaged chop sticks. (So presumably clean.) In the boiling water was mushroom and a bit of onion. Then we added the meats my coworker ordered. Two types of beef, skinny little mushroom shoots, some veggie that tasted like heart of palm but was something else, tofu and a mystery meat. I did try the mystery meat... it tasted like bad fish. He let me know that it was "pig throat." I decided not to try it again :) I then tried the "sesame bun" it was not very good. Oh and unlike fondue where you skewer it and let it boil for a while - you grab it with your chopsticks and hold it in the boiling water until your desired doneness. Yes you eat from the same chopsticks you picked up the raw meat with. Fun times...

It was dirty enough that even locals were re-wiping the tables when they were seated. However the place constantly had people waiting to be seated.

This morning I stuck to my cereal with two clementines and a cup of tea. I ate a pear - supposedly they are good for your throat.

Bejing Week 2

Well after last week feeling so very miserable with the cold - I think I have had a turning point today. I have to say my eating habits last week were pretty much as bad as I felt. I turned to easy foods and didn't pay much attention to good or bad.

Today I decided to eat better as I am feeling a bit better than I have. Not to mention that my "aunt" is ending her visit which helps as it seems I am always hungry when that visit is here each month.

I started today with the Raisin Bran equivalent. (The flakes are quite the same but still bran cereal.) And a couple of clementines.

At lunch I was on my own so I went across the street and had a their equivalent of "Kung Pao Chicken." Their veggies are interesting as the cucumber inside it - is pickled. They give you SO much rice that I didn't make a very big dent in it. I ate all the chicken, a decent amount of the veggies but didn't finish. I did have a small lapse in that I ordered the "bbq pork buns" but only ate the insides as there was a lot bun and not much pork. I bought apples from the 7-11 and had one of those as a snack. Then a "peanut flavored' cookie in the breakroom caught my eye.

I have also had a tablespoon of the Chinese cough syrup. It is thick, full of herbs and honey.

For dinner one of my students today offered to take me to Chinese "hot pot" which is also fondue. 

I got to talk to the boys on Skype today. *sigh* how I miss their faces. Yesterday was the hardest as I had nothing planned and basically didn't speak to anyone.

I walked over to the "mall" that is a few blocks from my hotel. It is like any mall in America. I was bad and had a cheeseburger from Nathan's Famous. It was not very good. I went back to the hotel watched more NCIS and then went to 7-11 for some snacks. (Fruit, crackers, chips and a soup. Peanuts that are supposed to be honey coated but just have an odd shell on them) Then went back to the hotel and watched movies and ate my soup. Was going to eat the rest of my Subway sandwich from Friday but it didn't tast very good so I threw it out. I washed clothes :) I used the hotel shampoo and washed my under things and hung them in the upstairs bathroom to dry. I sent the shirts and pants out to hotel laundry this morning. (Just seems weird to let strangers wash my underwear.)

The tour to the Summer Palace was very nice (would have been much nicer in Summer) and the Great Wall - well was amazing. I never would have thought I would get to see it in person. I bought some jade for the boys and some tea for me. I hope to get to go shopping at a market this weekend.

Well...
That is all I have for now.

Beijing Day 4

Its official - I have a bad cold. My chest hurts, my head hurts, my nose is running but also have congestion and coughing. One of the co-workers gave me mucinex, some "Chinese" cold pills, and sudafed.

Again another uneventful evening.

B - I had two eggs and some bacon. 2 or 3 clementines.
L - They ordered Yoshinoya - so some rice, some kind of thinly sliced beef, teriyaki duck and veggies.
D - I went back to the Sushi place. I was determined to eat better - had fruit bowl, the same roll with the mango and sweet sauce but I found out it wasn't called the "fairy tale" that was a different one. Also had some "dumplings" these were more liked folded rice paper flattened burrito like things with meat inside then the dumplings we have in the states.

I felt pretty crappy by the time I got back to the hotel. I wrapped up in all my jackets and the robe - then watched a couple of episodes of NCIS.

Remember how I said I HATE lotion - it is dryer here because of the cold then it is at home in the dessert. I have actually had to put lotion on because I feel like I am getting rug burn any time something drags across my skin - like sheets or my jacket.

Did I mention I am ready to come home?

Beijing Day 3

Not much to report today just nothing exciting happening here. It is so very cold here. The wind rips right through your clothes and I think I am getting sick. Luckily I had left the Advil Cold & Sinus in my purse - but I only have a couple of those. I asked a local who also speaks English if she might be able to help me find something.

Yesterday
B - eggs, potatoes bacon and a croissant. Clemintines, meat, cheese and grapes.
L - 2 slices of Papa John's pizza
D - So good and bad news here - Good news - Sushi! I ordered all by myself - they had pictures in their menu. I ordered a tuna roll (tuna/rice/seaweed wrapper), "fairy tale" it was crab, avocado, cucumber inside wrapped in seaweed and rice then topped with mango and a sweet purple sauce, tempura sweet potatoes and edamame. the Bad - since having lapband I have had to learn to chew my food to a small pulp. I guess I was so excited that I ordered by myself I forgot. I had to ask for a to-go box after having two pieces of tuna and one of the fairy tale and some edamame (which is what I think is what got "stuck") made it outside to a dark corner and threw up. (They didn't have a bathroom or didn't understand my request for a toilet) I took the food to the room, watched the NCIS I downloaded, ate the "Fairy Tale" roll, a couple pieces of the tempura and the edamame. The other Good - all of that only cost me $12 US!

Today I feel like I am growing a cold. I have been coughing and my nose is running. 

To be honest... I can't wait to go home.

Week 3 - Bejing part 2

I think I have my sleep schedule down. It wasn't easy to change over to a 16 hour time difference. I can't say that I have been doing all that well on sticking to my diet either. It has been a little rougher than I expected to find food here.

Yesterday -
B - at the hotel, raisin bran, fruit, croissant and smoked meats and some cheese
L - they ordered in. It was some kind of fish, tofu, a chicken patty/nugget type thing, two types of cabbage and some onions and a thing of rice. The fish and the tofu were gross. I tried to eat them - just yuck. So I ate the patty, one of the types of cabbage and some rice. I tried a muffin thing they had in the breakroom - also gross. (so was the mango-ish oreo I tried this morning YUCK)
D - luckily a co-worker who although is Asian, is from Melbourne Australia took pity on me and took me to dinner. I can not for the life of me remember what she called it. I am not sure if it was Cantonese or something else. But the food was delicious. We had "abalone" (sp) mushrooms (they were thick mushrooms flash fried with a sweeter sauce on them,) some greens that look like maybe those long broccoli like things mixed with spices, and bamboo salad. We also had veal with a tastey sauce on it too that was served with baked apples. She got me to try a fermented rice drink - it smelled awful at first but tasted like a slightly carbonated lemonade.

It is still bitter cold here. Today I am wearing socks, knee-highs, long underwear, pants, undies (of course), shirt and to get to the office, a sweat shirt, winter coat, scarf (that has to cover the nose and mouth), gloves and hat.

I have watched through the 7th season of NCIS. It is just too cold to go out at night.

Well I am off to train my class. Talk to you soon.

Week 3 - Bejing

Well how is everyone doing out there? I am in Bejing until the 25th. There is a scale in the hotel - it said 245 - I know, it is different at different altitudes and all that.

However, I started off well on my travel day. Had oatmeal from Starbucks. Did you know if you add the sugar, dried fruit and nuts to the oatmeal you are adding another 250-300 calories! That is crazy - so I halfed the fruit/nuts and used a splenda. Then I got to San Francisco... I ate at a Japanese place and had noodles and tempura veggies and shrimp. AND then... a croissant and a chocolate cake thing from another place where I was watching NCIS waiting for the plane.

On the plane they served a teriyaki chicken and rice dish, a snack of a banana, cookies and a pretzel then a turkey and swiss hot sandwich with chips. I drank a cup or two of OJ and the rest was water.

After being totally messed up with the jet lag - I went to bed about 7pm (well napped on the coach because I am in a  "loft" room where the bedroom is upstairs and with the heater on it was a zillion degrees upstairs.) At 10p I moved upstairs (since I had turned off the air) and slept until Darren called at midnight. I went back downstairs and watched a couple more hours of NCIS and at an apple, pear and a banana and drank 3 cups of tea, then back upstairs about 3am-ish and slept until 6am. Took a shower, ate breakfast downstairs. I went traditional English with 2 fried eggs, bacon and potatoes. (could have had baked beans but opted out) Had fruit, a croissant and a cup of tea. (FYI I should have brought my splenda with me!)

Lunch I ate at Dairy Queen - an awful chili cheese dog and a mocha blizzard.
Dinner - I ate downstairs in the hotel. 2 pieces of sushi, two egg tarts (love those things - they are like custard in a pie shell), they got me to try this rice ball soup thing (yuck) the rice balls were filled with sesame seeds and when you cut into them it oozed out black nastiness. It had an overall weird flavor. I had the duck in rice shells with the miso sauce and veggies that was tastey. I also had fruit.

I am hoping for better meal choices today. This morning I had a bowl of raisin bran, smoked meats and cheeses and a small croissant, juice and tea. They have clementines (I am thinking clementines are the basis for mandarin oranges... just saying) so I have had at least one of those with every meal and an apple or pear.

Well I am off to prepare for my class. Talk to you all soon.

Week 2 - Day 11

243.8 unchanged from yesterday

Yesterday was a long day at work - only because I knew I had today off and need to pack for China tomorrow. I cleaned the office and packed up my laptop bag.

Yesterday's food
B - WW english muffin, 1/4 cup Egg Beaters, 1 tbls cheese, 1/2 grapefruit (In case you are wondering - today I found out that I can do 3 tbls of Egg Beaters for 25 cal - one less tbls than a 1/4 cup -  the muffin (100), EBs (25), cheese (25) AND I can add one slice of pre-cooked bacon (17) - this comes in at about 170 calories!)
I didn't have a snack as I had to teach a class
L - we ate at Sweet Tomatoes - I had salad bar and totally avoided cheese. I had their fat free poppy seed dressing 45 cal for 2 tbls. Then I looked up small baked potatoes 60 cals for just the insides which I had two and one low fat corn bread muffin. All with no butter, sour cream!
S - approx 1/4 cup pineapple in juice
D - chicken patty w/feta (pre-made - 150 cal) on two slices of Nature's Own WW toast - 100, brown mustard and homemade bread and butter pickles. I topped it off with a 100 cal ice cream bar.

Today I am getting my taxes done, packing for China and having an early Valentine's dinner with Darren. I have to be at the airport at 5AM. 7a flight to San Fran then a 3 hour layover, then 12 hours to Beijing. I arrive there on Sunday at 4:25 PM. Which about 1225AM. I wonder if I can find a place at 730 AM Monday to watch the Super Bowl hehe.

A co-worker told me they have plenty of fruits and veggies along with their meals so jus to stay away from the fried will be my mission!

I got an email back from the tour company - I have selected a "coach" tour instead of a private car - saves me about $150.  Batteries are charged for the camera, battery charged on the Kindle. My dvd player only lasts about a movie and a half. According to the chart on United's website I should have a power adaptor at my seat. Fingers crossed - now to decide what movies to bring. I tried to go online and see what movies they will be showing but that part of their site wasn't working. Oh well.

I will post as soon as I can again. There is free internet at the hotel - so hopefully when I land. I get texting on my work phone and emails at both my work email and my gmail account on that phone. Feel free to contacting me either way as I will not have my personal phone turned on for that three weeks. Talk to you all soon!

Week 2 - Day 11

243.2! (remembering Bridget - no alcohol, no cigarettes and for me... no gambling.)

I had a very rough day yesterday, emotionally. I got a "has bad behavior" email from one of my sons' teachers. Which on top of some bad grades from the three of them lead to a "family meeting" which did not end well. I won't air all the dirty laundry here but between silly "teenage" words and a disappointed Dad expressing the disappointment poorly - things were not pretty. By the time I got to my hair appointment at 7:05p I felt like I had been hit by a truck. Today is a new day.

Meals - yesterday
B - WW english muffin toasted (100) w/ 1/4 cup egg beaters (35), 1 tbls shredded cheese (35), 1/2 grapefruit (45)
S - apple (appr 65)
L - white bean and chicken soup (170), WW slice of toast (apr 120) , 2 clementines (70)
S - 100 cal popcorn, FF, SF, Coffee from Starbucks (25)
D - 240 cal lean cusine - Glazed Chicken - this one was REALLY good.
If you whipped out your calculator that was 1005 calories yesterday. I said it was a bad day.

I have started to collect things for the trip to Beijing. And have reached out to a tour company that some co-workers used so that I can hopefully see the Great Wall next weekend. I think I will need two suitcases. One for shoes, sundries, big winter coat and the another for everything else. With highs in the mid 30s and the lows in the single to low 10s - the coat, gloves, scarf and hat are going to be a necessity.

I can't believe I am going to CHINA! When I was a kid I did a report on Korea which caused me to have desire to go to Korea, China or Japan ever since. Sadly, when a customer of Acres came to the States from Korea, they weren't too keen on women leaders or strong willed women. One asked me for where their co-workers were and due to the complexity I was trying to show him... he would NOT let me walk in front of him. I had to be two steps behind and he kept looking over his shoulder to see where I was trying to get him to go. I am thinking Korea isn't for me.

Random Thoughts

• Teens - no matter the generation at some point will a) hate you, b) make stupid mistakes c) think they know EVERYTHING d) break your heart e) make you proud when you least expect it f) love you even when you think they don't
• Getting your hair done is like that "princess" moment. For a few hours you feel like you should be allowed to wear a tiara.
• Me - My family, when I was about 5 or 6,  took a trip in a motorhome from LV to Alaska. It was an amazing trip. Of all the things that I have forgotten in my lifetime - this is one that I won't. I remember sitting in the back playing UNO, and taking the ferry to Sitka. And seeing a moose with my mom on the Canada/AK border.

I plan on bringing my webcam - anyone out there use Skype? Let me know. 730AM PST is 1130PM CST (China Standard Time) - so apparently 16 hour time difference at the moment. But would love to chat with you all.

Week 2 - Day 10

245.8 - same as yesterday. I know I probably shouldn't weigh myself everyday. Although it helps keep me on track. I would hate for days to go by and not notice the weight going back on.

Food yesterday -
B - I was running late so I brought my WW English muffin with me and had the EDR cook up an egg. I did a regular egg because the cook doesn't seem to realize that "1" egg beater is only a 1/4 cup. So I didn't have my tbls of shredded cheese today. So WW English Muffin with an egg, 1/2 grapefruit with splenda
S - FF yogurt
L - Salisbury Steak w/mac cheese Lean Cuisine - 260, 2 clementines
S - 1/2 cup raspberries and 1/2 cup Skim Milk
D - I had the chicken tikka (which I couldn't eat all of) 1/4 cup(ish) white rice, a full Naan ( :( ), and one samosa (the veggie in pastry thing) - so not perfect but not bad either.
ww = whole wheat / ff = fat free

I had a massage last night. It was awful. I know the guy meant well by trying to work out all the knots in my shoulders - but I really just wanted to relax. Which I did tell him but that didn't seem to stop him. I had to tell him a couple of times to use less pressure and today I am just freaking sore.

I love training. I don't know why but I get so excited to stand up there and do my thing. I miss it... A LOT. I taught a short class yesterday (for those who don't know - my current job as the Sales and Service Readiness Training Supervisor at IGT doesn't afford me much training time. My team does all the training now. We train all the internal IGT Employees on how to use our products from Hardware [slot machines] to Software [casino management applications.] I used to be part of the teams that travelled and taught to casinos.) The short class I taught yesterday was on some of marketing applications. I jammed through it.

In talking to Leslee yesterday about why this weight loss attempt and not Weight Watchers or something else... I explained that I am trying this option because it is something "I" have done the leg work to figure out. Weight Watchers has you calculate points and you choose your foods based on the points you have allotted for the day. Nutri-System which I have done in the past sends you the foods (I think like Jenny Craig) which to me doesn't tell  you WHY you are choosing those foods. Like are they non-fat, high fiber or because they are X calories. I am sure you could read the labels and find out... As for calculating points - it is very similar to just counting the calories. As I explained to Les, the thing I have learned so far is the veggie/fruit intake. With WW you now can eat all the fruits and veggies you want at no points. I think they did this because they realized that if I had the choice to spend 5 points on a banana or 5 points on a cookie - I would eat the cookie. So this way people eat the fruits and veggies to keep them feeling full longer and spending their points differently. Counting calories is similar - are the gazillion points for the french fries really worth it or should I have the whole wheat, low fat sandwich, apples and salad with ff dressing instead (and likely for LESS calories)? I have to get this through my head - daily.

Random Thoughts

• Women over 10 years of age should NOT wear bows or frilly things in their hair
• Just because the spandex spreads over your fat tush doesn't mean you look good in it
• I miss my Dad. He is funny (and of course still treats me at times like a kid) but when you have a small family you miss the few you have. He lives in Yuma in the winter.
• Me - I hate lotion. Ok maybe not hate - but have a strong dislike for it. I don't like that feeling of having it on my hands or my any of my skin really. Yes my skin usually looks kind of ashy - I do live in a desert. If I am having a day of really itchy dry skin I will put it on but usually take a towel and wipe most of it off.

Marci and Jen! Thank you for commenting. It means SO much to me to have you guys here! We can do this. Have faith.

Diet Day 9

I am so confused as to what day I am on. I hope that is right.

Today's weigh in - 245.8!
So that is 5 pounds. (I guess 10 if you count last Sun/Mon's freakish 5 lb disappearance.) I do try to weigh myself the same time every day. First thing in the morning after my normal routines.

Yesterday's meals
B - Cheerios/FF milk (which I didn't drink all of), clementines
S - FF yogurt
L - 240 cal lean cuisine (Butternut Squash Ravioli), apple
S - 100 cal popcorn
D - 150 calorie chicken patty that had red pepper, onion and feta in it - I put it on a 100 cal toasted WW English muffin with homemade bread and butter pickles and a little brown mustard. It was yum! Also with clementines. Then had a Nature's Own Whole Wheat bread slice toasted, with a couple squirts of I Can't Believe It's not Butter spray and 1/2 tablespoon of honey (80 cal!)

Last night I picked up Mexican food for Darren and the boys and did not get anything for myself. What a test of will power. It smelled SO good. But I knew I couldn't order anything without over doing it so I stayed away.

I have been off the treadmill routine and need to get back into it. However, I have a massage tonight and dinner out with Leslee. I plan on only having Chicken Tikka Masala and 1/2 piece of Naan which "should" be around 450 calories. Which means likely no treadmill tonight.

Random Thoughts:

• I need to start running a list of these notes as I think of them through out the day because I come up with good ones and forget by the time I sit down the next day to write
• My "skinny" clothes aren't fitting me right now. All the clothes I purchased at my low weight (220 lbs) barely will button. I am wearing my larger clothes right now to feel more comfortable.
• Does anyone have "must do" for Beijing?
• Me - (these are getting harder and harder by the way) I want to drive a race car. There are days when I would like to be a race car driver like my Dad - race those old beaters around the oval! One of my life long dreams has always been to have my Dad build a race car for me and get to race at the speedway - not just once either. Let that become my hobby. But that is a VERY expensive hobby!

3 and half days until I fly to Beijing. It isn't helping that my boss keeps calling me and asking if I have packed yet. I keep telling him - NO! I don't leave til Saturday so I have all day Friday to do it.

Darren and I are having an early Valentine's dinner on Friday at Texas de Brazil. (Brazilian BBQ) I plan on eating basically lettuce all day :), staying away from the salad bar at the restaurant (only because they have lots of cheese and more than just salad on there) and no alcohol or dessert. Again, I hate that I have to plan like this. It is frustrating that because I have let myself get this fat that I can't have one day to do what I want. I know I should be thinking that once I am at my goal weight (which I am hoping for 175lbs) that I could have a night of whatever and get right back on track. I hope that by doing this now that I set good habits, make this second nature and won't feel guilty for one night of extravagance someday. I want to kick and scream and say "just make it disappear! Why isn't it easy!" I find myself often falling into the trap of "what if" or fantasy wishing so desperately that it could just be the dream world. Like - "What if I could just take a pill and the fat would disappear?" "What if I hit the lottery?" Oh well. Here I sit, at my blog, wishing I was Marilyn Monroe and eating Bon Bons instead :D

Diet Week 2

I have been petrified to step on the scale. Coming here to tell you I had undone everything I did last week scared me. However, I forced myself on before work this morning.

247.8 - A HUGE sigh of relief came out of me. Thank goodness. And today I am back on track and nothing to throw me off.

Yesterdays Meals
B - Cheerios w/ 1/2 cup skim milk and an orange
S - 2 clementines
L - Vietnamese Style Beef/Noodle, whole wheat English muffin with 1 tbls of shredded cheese melted (I know weird combo) 100 calorie nestle bar.(Note about the soup, I did not cook the meat first - I threw the veggies in the pot and let them sweat a bit, added the broth/water let the whole thing boil rapidly (all while the meat sat in about 1/4 soy sauce) then threw the whole lot into the boiling water. When I have gone to Pho restaurants they let the meat cook in the boiling water. I figure this saves fat calories!
S - 100 cal popcorn
D - our theme was German. I knew that a bratwurst was 200 cal w/bun 300 total. So I had one and got just a small helping of my sisters saurbraten, German potato salad w/o bacon, and German Red Cabbage. OMG her stuff was DELISH! I had another small helping of each. She also made this Cinnamon Cake/Bread thing - which I had a whole piece of. I started with a half and went back for the other half. My niece, at least she tried ;) brought Eclairs - little mini ones. I think I had 3 or 4 of those.

So I am guessing I came in around the 1700 mark. I didn't have any wine and stuck with just water. It is hard to make those choices and apparently I didn't do very well. Stupid eclairs :-P

So today I am back to following the plan. I have 5 days left before China. I do plan on one night out with Leslee tomorrow night. She wants Indian food so that won't be too bad if I can keep my intake of the Naan bread down to one.

Random Thoughts

• I am a bit nervous about this trip to Beijing. Only a bit though - part of me is also just indifferent. Thinking - let's just get it done.
• I REALLY liked being able to send Josh to the store yesterday and he brought back exactly what I asked for.
• I am WAY behind in making quilts for my sisters. I need to move them up on the list.
• I am freaking out about trying to afford all my personal travel. Yuma, Panguitch, Cruise...
• Me - I have three smashed/herniated discs in my lower back. They were discovered when I worked at the Aladdin. I don't have much pain now unless I try to pick up something really heavy. They told me that it was due to my weight and pre-mature osteoporosis. You would have thought I would have done something about my weight then!

Thank goodness for spell check. I can never spell clementine right! I hate to sound like a broken record - but don't forget to comment. It helps to know you are there.

Diet Day 7

I refused to weigh myself yesterday after the blowout from Friday night and I am pretty much feeling the same way this morning. I got home way later than I expected from the dinner with the "Mom" and with a raging headache that I didn't work out as I had promised myself.

I didn't do as well as I thought I would. I should have put Erik on food watch and didn't which ended up with me have a cupcake and a mini sugar cookie at the party. (Along with half a sandwich - on a wheat dinner roll so it wasn't huge, carrots, cucumbers, cauliflower, and about 5-6 potato chips with french onion dip that I love.) Then the Dinner - I did stick to my 700 calorie pot pie which according to the nutritional info also included the sauteed veggies on the side. (They looked sauteed in butter) I did not eat those. However I did have a splenda peach "cobbler". I say "cobbler" because to me cobbler should have dumpling like topping and this had a pie crust only on the top.

Normal food summary
B - 1/4 egg beaters, 1 tbls shredded cheese on a whole wheat English muffin, 1/2 coffee with 1/4 skim milk (Realized yesterday I was using the "light" English muffin which saves 10 or 20 calories - in case you are wondering) (200)
L - 240 cal Lean Cuisine Meatloaf (I didn't like the sauce on the meatloaf so I didn't eat all of it - I hope that saved me some calories), 2 clementines (300)
Party - cupcake, 1 mini-sugar cookie, half wheat dinner roll sandwich, veggies, chips, dip
Cupcakes avg about 300 cal, cookie 60, sand about 125, chips/dip 200, veggies 50
D- potpie, no sugar added, sweetened with splenda peach cobbler 270 calories and I left about 1/8 of it
Aprox 2100 for the day

One thing I noticed that I don't mention my "drinks" much. I typically drink water through out the day. If I go out to eat I normally drink iced tea. For me I can REALLY tell the difference if I don't drink at least a gallon of water a day. (I prefer more - I live in a desert people it is important!) But I challenge anyone out there to drink more water and see if you don't notice less headaches and fatigue. It really makes that go away. It helps your blood move through your body swifter - almost like lubrication for it! (I heard moving through your body swifter part from a phlebotomist.)

Random Thoughts

• Shopping with my husband is the most frustrating thing. I think because he chooses times when I am on a specific mission to go "looking around." Yesterday it was on my time to go grocery shopping he wanted to go to Office Max and Bed Bath and Beyond and where ever else just to putt around. I prefer to get to Sam's Club early and not fight the crowd.
• A puppy party is more fun then you think. Especially since there was a pool and a couple dogs (dogs not kids!) fell in. One dog fell in twice! My dogs ran almost the whole time.
• Trying to write on the blog with Darren in the room - also difficult ;-) he likes to ask random meaningless questions while I am concentrating or play awful music.
• Me - My first car was a 1975 Chevy Impala. It was awesome. I fit 11 people in it to go to lunch. And raced it down Craig Rd which used to be a two lane road back in the day.

Cool things happened this week
My niece called me I think Tuesday morning from New Jersey and said she was inspired by me! It was definitely a confidence booster! Now if I could just get her to comment here so I know she is still in my corner. ;-)
You guys that are commenting here and on FB really are awesome. Stacy - can't wait to get on the cruise with you too! Good luck on the diet.
Coni - you are awesome! Congrats on breaking that plateau!
Yesterday grocery shopping - I had a full argument with myself because that is one of the times I usually put $20 (or more) into a machine on the way out. I didn't! Walked right on out! (It is sad that I have to have that argument with myself.)

Diet Day 6

247.6 that's right 3 pounds this week! Woot!

It was definitely an amazing feeling to step on that scale yesterday morning and see that. I was in such shock. If the weight loss could at least be this steady it wouldn't be so hard to stick to. It's when those plateaus kick in that I feel I will fail you all I will hope not though.

Food for yesterday
B - whole wheat english muffin, 1 tbls shredded cheese (I measured!), 1/2 grapefruit - that is 190 calories by the way!  (If you like salsa you could add 2 tbls for only 9 more calories)
S - 100 calorie blue berry yogurt
L - 240 cal lean cuisine (chick chow mein), apple (50), 1 small mini round (50)
S - orange (60), 1/2 FF milk (45)
D -.... well this is where I failed. I had all good intentions and my poor will power gave in. I had half a prime rib (300 ish cal), baked potato w/butter, (250), bread (going to guess at 250), bacon wrapped dates (300ish), glass of wine (114) - HOLY CRAP 1200 cal in ONE MEAL.
If you broke out your calculator that was 1935 for yesterday! The only good thing I did is - we got dessert to go and I ordered Black Forest Cake. (Cherries) I don't like cherries so i knew I wouldn't be eating it.

Today I will be going out grocery shopping again. I have a "puppy" birthday party to go to and a dinner at a restaurant again. (Meeting the mom of the girl who asked Josh to Sadies.) The plan... eat before the party and order salad at dinner and have Josh be my will power. (well scratch that I just looked at the menu online and all they have are side salads... they have a "little less" menu that I can get the Tri-Tip without gravy or muffin for 800 cal or the potpie for 710.) If I stick close to 200 for B and L, I should be ok and back on track for today.

I find it very, trying to find the right word here, annoying... tiring, frustrating - to have to spend SO much time thinking about food. But it is when I don't think about it that I get fatter. I do hope that once I do get down under 180 pounds that I won't have to put this much effort into it. My hope is that this becomes so part of my nature that I don't even notice.

Random Thoughts

• Puppies make your heart fill with love with their sweet faces and knowing that if you just give them a small scratch behind the ears they will be forever yours
• I got locked in the elevator at work yesterday for 25 minutes with 2 co-workers. Best line from someone outside the elevator "Did you push the door open button?" (My instant couldn't stop it reaction - "Oh no, we didn't think of that!")
• Saw pre-views for that "My 600 pound life" and realized I should be a bit more thankful that I haven't gotten that bad. I know I am not immobile due to my weight, nor have any current health problems (I am no longer on blood pressure medicine - over a year now). So I know I probably sound pretty pathetic needing to lose 75 - 80 pounds and whining how hard it is. Life COULD be worse.
• Me - I have a gambling problem. This also is very hard to say outloud. I have gambled too much over the years. Gotten myself into a pickle a time or two (or three.) Starting today - no more. No more gambling way all the extra money I have.

If you are out there, please leave a comment or something and let me know.

Diet Day 5

249.6!

Today was much better than yesterday. I was being really hard on myself but I believe in being realistic. I am fat.  I am trying to do something about it. Talking with people at work is helpful they are very encouraging!

Today's food
B - whole wheat english muffin, 1/4 cup egg beaters scambled with a tablespoon of grated cheese
S - non-fat yogurt
L - 260 cal Lean Cusine (salisbury steak & mac/cheese), apple, whole wheat mini
S - berries and 1/2 cup fat free milk
D - 210 cal Lean Cusine, orange, mini round and 100 cal popcorn

I did 30 mins on the treadmill last night! Felt really good too. Tonight I did about 45 mins of Dance Central with Josh - that was pretty fun.

Random Thoughts

• leaving a microwavable popcorn bag in a closed office - not so great at 6am the next day
• I love that my puppies act like I am the best thing since sliced bread
• Random about me - I once had a job selling roses. Lasted all of about 4 hours.

Wow... not a lot to say tonight.

Diet Day 4

I wish I could come up with better titles...

Scale this morning 250.4

I know weight loss is supposed to be slow and consistent, but boy was I just thinking "my body hates me" this morning. How is it putting weight on takes so little but taking it off kills you. I know I am 4 days in and I need to be more patient however that is much easier said than done. (Maybe this should be the post full of cliche's.)

I didn't go on the treadmill last night and I am about to go down and do that now even though my knees/ankles are rebelling.

Food today
B - Cream of Wheat with dried fruits and walnuts (I made sure to get no sugar added dried fruit)
S - two clemintines
L - a quarter of a left over pork chop with cranberry (it was all that was left), a small whole wheat round, salad with fat free poppy seed dressing and an apple
S - blackberries and 1/2 cup milk followed  by popcorn (which i shouldn't have but it was a single serve bag - 140 calories (i have 100 cal ones I will be taking in to work)
D - left over chicken with creamy chive sauce and brown rice, an orange and a 100 cal choc ice cream bar

I decided that today in with my "random thoughts" that I would include a "random thing people likely don't know about me". My niece had a FB note with about 25 of them, some amusing, some gross and some just notable.

Random Thoughts

• Wearing heels after months of flats kills my ankles and knees - what was I thinking!?
• Q-Tip brand cotton swabs are far superior - all because they know how to make a card board stick that doesn't bend when you use it
• Pouring 3 tablespoons of Cream of Wheat into a coffee cup of microwaved-boiling water will cause it to bubble over and cause a big mess (almost like it exploded)
• Poppy seed dressing will leave seeds in your teeth
• Random thing - I LOVE arranging pantries. I put things in order, straight lines. I get annoyed when my family can't seem to put things back where they found it. I went over to my mother in law's house once and arranged her pantry so that all the cans were neat and by type. I am not an alphabetizer. And by no means a neat freak. But pantries should be organized!

It has been a rough day. I worked from 6a - 5p. I really hate being fat. What really makes me hate it is that I am not normally a person who cares really what others think. But as I was getting on the elevator today to leave - there is a girl who works in the executive offices - she is tall and skinny and is always dressed neat and pressed. I couldn't help myself from thinking "she must think I am some kind of slob." Because really when have you ever seen a fat person look "neat and pressed"? And then of course she didn't get on the elevator with me, she conveniently stopped at someone's desk. How ridiculous to think she didn't want to be in there with me.

Well that is all I have for now. Off to the treadmill.

Diet Day 3

Scale this morning said 250.6 lbs. (no cigarettes / no alcohol)

I didn't drink near enough water yesterday or all weekend really. I could really tell today while at work since I have a cup I keep full on my desk. (Side note - Cup is from a Britney Spears concert hehe) I felt a bit hungrier yesterday then the first day.

Breakfast - I swapped the cheerios with Raisin Bran Crunch - so I didn't have the fresh fruit nor the full milk serving.
Snack - Fiber One 110 calorie bar
Lunch - I went to the Palm's to meet up with my niece. I had a cup of tortilla soup and some tortilla chips.
Snack -  was  a clemintine
Dinner I made the Pork Chop with cranberry glaze with mashed potatoes and green beans. This was a big hit.

I walked 27 minutes on the treadmill.  I would have liked to longer but after crawling on the floor for the quilt my knees were killing me! I did however mop the entire downstairs which is a lot of work. I made today and tomorrow's meals in my new lunch containers from the 99cent store :)

That leads to today.
B - whole wheat english muffin with a laughing cow light wedge, 1/2 cup black berries, 1/2 cup milk, (an additional 1/4 cup in my coffee).
S - apple
L - salad w/1 tlbs fat free blue cheese, 1/2 cup pineapple, whole wheat mini-round and the Spanish Tortilla from eatingwell.com
S - 140 calorie popcorn
D - The Mango/Basil Shrimp (from eatingwell.com), couscous and sautee'd spinich. (I didn't eat all of what was shown... so I had 100 calorie choc ice cream. (I was also supposed to have a nectorine with dinner.)

I am looking forward to tomorrow. I still need to get on the treadmill tonight.

Darren asked why I was writing on a "blog." Wondering why anyone would care about my diet. I said because they care about me! (So please all the encouragement you can send my way would REALLY help.)

Random notes for today

• Josh drove him and his brother across town to basketball. I am trying my hardest not to think about it so I don't have a melt down.
• 6AM work start time is ridiculous early
• Tumeric doesn't seem to have a very good flavor but turns everything orange (or baby poop after carrots orange... just saying.)
• I didn't go to the grocery store and buy additional ingredients today (seriously helped that I didn't have a car!)

Diet Day 2

250.8lbs - I have no idea how I lost 5 lbs in a day. that is crazy. (To keep the Bridget theme - no cigarettes, no alcohol...unless you count the small amount that went into the sauce for the chicken!)

Yesterday went great! I am SO surprised at how MUCH food 1200 calories of good stuff gets you. Eating plain cheerios at the same time as an orange is like having sweetened cheerios. The one thing that messes me up on that diet is the milk. I am not used to drinking that much milk. I may have to cut it down to just what goes in the cereal and give those calories to something else.

I managed to do 25 minutes on the treadmill last night at varying inclines and speed.

Today's menu includes:
B - Milk, fruit, cereal
S - Granola Bar
L - Salad, pita, yogurt pop
S - yogurt
D - veggie, pork chops, couscous, fruit

I took today off of work. I had also taken off last Friday. Boy did I need the days off. I am hoping these next two weeks on this diet gets me in the habit of good choices. I head to Beijing on 02/05/12 so I want to know what I should and shouldn't eat. I know I should stay away from fried foods and, looking at this diet, severely increase my intake of fruit. I am surprised at how little fruit I have been eating. It isn't like I don't like it... I love apples, berries, melon, peaches, oranges, grapefruit and pears. But somehow they weren't on my regular grocery list. After Beijing, I go to San Francisco for 3 days and then a cruise the week after that. You can see I REALLY need to make good habits.

I almost forgot - I am supposed to have lunch with Jackie today. I think I will eat before I go and maybe just sit with her or have a side salad. That should help.

Other than that - my plans for the day are to do laundry, clean my room and finish a couple quilts. I also plan on making my lunches for the rest of the week. I know not too exciting am I.

Other random notes -

• I realized I had bought Monster Jam World Finals (monster truck) tickets that falls on the same day I get back from the cruise. Problem is - I can't get a flight back in time to go. This was a "me and Erik" thing. I asked Josh, and his newly acquired license, to take him. I think they will have a good time.
• I spend WAY too much money. I am promising myself no more trips to JoAnn's until I make the quilts I already have plenty of fabric for. (I can make at least 5 right now oh and finish two that I already have in the works!) And no more trips to BAR no matter how good their food is. I spend too much in their machines and eat their way bad for you food. Since I will be gone for a month, this shouldn't be too hard to stick too ;-)
• I am having family dinner night next Sunday. Our theme is German. I will have to find out how many calories bratwursts are and adjust down the rest of the day.

PS. Gratuitous use of "so" down to only 4 corrections this time!

New Diary Entry - DIET

In memory of Bridget Jones -
255lbs - up 30lbs from my lowest point in my journey since lapband / down 40lbs from my heaviest. (Difference between Jones and I - no cigarettes / so far today no alcohol ;) )

I sit here today at my laptop wondering how I could have failed so miserably at weight loss. I also fear failing anyone who reads this as well. I haven't previously stated my weight in public nor really recounted my "diet" plan. I thought, maybe, rather than try to make it a secret and surprise people, that I would instead, come here and announce to the world that I am fat and I really want to do something about it. And maybe, with your encouragement, I will.

To begin - I have found a 1200 calorie diet to follow. I would really like to run a 5k... I am thinking by Fall. I say Fall because I have so much travelling happening through Spring that I don't want to make it unrealistic. HOWEVER, I do intend on "training" for a 5k until that time. I also found a "training plan" to be able to run a 5k. Treadmill here I come.

Yesterday I purchased the types of products needed for the meal plan. Low fat, low calorie and whole wheat type things. I intend to do at least 30 minutes on the treadmill tonight.

Today's menu
B - Plain Cheerios, Skim Milk and Fruit
S - Fruit
L - Vietnamese- Style Beef & Noodle Broth, pita, milk, fudgesicle
S - Hummus/Celery
D - brown rice, chicken, veggies, fruit

If you are interested - I googled "1200 calorie meal plan" and chose the one from "EatingWell.com". (7-Day Diet Meal Plan) It has a bit of fish in it which my family won't eat, the plan is to swap it with chicken. I also plan to look up recipes under 350 calories as that seems to be what many of the choices are.

I don't know if I should be happy, sad, mad or what. I need to do this. I hate my weight.

PS - I noticed I say "so" A LOT. I had to edit this a few times to get that word out of use!