Diet Day 9

I am so confused as to what day I am on. I hope that is right.

Today's weigh in - 245.8!
So that is 5 pounds. (I guess 10 if you count last Sun/Mon's freakish 5 lb disappearance.) I do try to weigh myself the same time every day. First thing in the morning after my normal routines.

Yesterday's meals
B - Cheerios/FF milk (which I didn't drink all of), clementines
S - FF yogurt
L - 240 cal lean cuisine (Butternut Squash Ravioli), apple
S - 100 cal popcorn
D - 150 calorie chicken patty that had red pepper, onion and feta in it - I put it on a 100 cal toasted WW English muffin with homemade bread and butter pickles and a little brown mustard. It was yum! Also with clementines. Then had a Nature's Own Whole Wheat bread slice toasted, with a couple squirts of I Can't Believe It's not Butter spray and 1/2 tablespoon of honey (80 cal!)

Last night I picked up Mexican food for Darren and the boys and did not get anything for myself. What a test of will power. It smelled SO good. But I knew I couldn't order anything without over doing it so I stayed away.

I have been off the treadmill routine and need to get back into it. However, I have a massage tonight and dinner out with Leslee. I plan on only having Chicken Tikka Masala and 1/2 piece of Naan which "should" be around 450 calories. Which means likely no treadmill tonight.

Random Thoughts:

• I need to start running a list of these notes as I think of them through out the day because I come up with good ones and forget by the time I sit down the next day to write
• My "skinny" clothes aren't fitting me right now. All the clothes I purchased at my low weight (220 lbs) barely will button. I am wearing my larger clothes right now to feel more comfortable.
• Does anyone have "must do" for Beijing?
• Me - (these are getting harder and harder by the way) I want to drive a race car. There are days when I would like to be a race car driver like my Dad - race those old beaters around the oval! One of my life long dreams has always been to have my Dad build a race car for me and get to race at the speedway - not just once either. Let that become my hobby. But that is a VERY expensive hobby!

3 and half days until I fly to Beijing. It isn't helping that my boss keeps calling me and asking if I have packed yet. I keep telling him - NO! I don't leave til Saturday so I have all day Friday to do it.

Darren and I are having an early Valentine's dinner on Friday at Texas de Brazil. (Brazilian BBQ) I plan on eating basically lettuce all day :), staying away from the salad bar at the restaurant (only because they have lots of cheese and more than just salad on there) and no alcohol or dessert. Again, I hate that I have to plan like this. It is frustrating that because I have let myself get this fat that I can't have one day to do what I want. I know I should be thinking that once I am at my goal weight (which I am hoping for 175lbs) that I could have a night of whatever and get right back on track. I hope that by doing this now that I set good habits, make this second nature and won't feel guilty for one night of extravagance someday. I want to kick and scream and say "just make it disappear! Why isn't it easy!" I find myself often falling into the trap of "what if" or fantasy wishing so desperately that it could just be the dream world. Like - "What if I could just take a pill and the fat would disappear?" "What if I hit the lottery?" Oh well. Here I sit, at my blog, wishing I was Marilyn Monroe and eating Bon Bons instead :D

Diet Week 2

I have been petrified to step on the scale. Coming here to tell you I had undone everything I did last week scared me. However, I forced myself on before work this morning.

247.8 - A HUGE sigh of relief came out of me. Thank goodness. And today I am back on track and nothing to throw me off.

Yesterdays Meals
B - Cheerios w/ 1/2 cup skim milk and an orange
S - 2 clementines
L - Vietnamese Style Beef/Noodle, whole wheat English muffin with 1 tbls of shredded cheese melted (I know weird combo) 100 calorie nestle bar.(Note about the soup, I did not cook the meat first - I threw the veggies in the pot and let them sweat a bit, added the broth/water let the whole thing boil rapidly (all while the meat sat in about 1/4 soy sauce) then threw the whole lot into the boiling water. When I have gone to Pho restaurants they let the meat cook in the boiling water. I figure this saves fat calories!
S - 100 cal popcorn
D - our theme was German. I knew that a bratwurst was 200 cal w/bun 300 total. So I had one and got just a small helping of my sisters saurbraten, German potato salad w/o bacon, and German Red Cabbage. OMG her stuff was DELISH! I had another small helping of each. She also made this Cinnamon Cake/Bread thing - which I had a whole piece of. I started with a half and went back for the other half. My niece, at least she tried ;) brought Eclairs - little mini ones. I think I had 3 or 4 of those.

So I am guessing I came in around the 1700 mark. I didn't have any wine and stuck with just water. It is hard to make those choices and apparently I didn't do very well. Stupid eclairs :-P

So today I am back to following the plan. I have 5 days left before China. I do plan on one night out with Leslee tomorrow night. She wants Indian food so that won't be too bad if I can keep my intake of the Naan bread down to one.

Random Thoughts

• I am a bit nervous about this trip to Beijing. Only a bit though - part of me is also just indifferent. Thinking - let's just get it done.
• I REALLY liked being able to send Josh to the store yesterday and he brought back exactly what I asked for.
• I am WAY behind in making quilts for my sisters. I need to move them up on the list.
• I am freaking out about trying to afford all my personal travel. Yuma, Panguitch, Cruise...
• Me - I have three smashed/herniated discs in my lower back. They were discovered when I worked at the Aladdin. I don't have much pain now unless I try to pick up something really heavy. They told me that it was due to my weight and pre-mature osteoporosis. You would have thought I would have done something about my weight then!

Thank goodness for spell check. I can never spell clementine right! I hate to sound like a broken record - but don't forget to comment. It helps to know you are there.

Diet Day 7

I refused to weigh myself yesterday after the blowout from Friday night and I am pretty much feeling the same way this morning. I got home way later than I expected from the dinner with the "Mom" and with a raging headache that I didn't work out as I had promised myself.

I didn't do as well as I thought I would. I should have put Erik on food watch and didn't which ended up with me have a cupcake and a mini sugar cookie at the party. (Along with half a sandwich - on a wheat dinner roll so it wasn't huge, carrots, cucumbers, cauliflower, and about 5-6 potato chips with french onion dip that I love.) Then the Dinner - I did stick to my 700 calorie pot pie which according to the nutritional info also included the sauteed veggies on the side. (They looked sauteed in butter) I did not eat those. However I did have a splenda peach "cobbler". I say "cobbler" because to me cobbler should have dumpling like topping and this had a pie crust only on the top.

Normal food summary
B - 1/4 egg beaters, 1 tbls shredded cheese on a whole wheat English muffin, 1/2 coffee with 1/4 skim milk (Realized yesterday I was using the "light" English muffin which saves 10 or 20 calories - in case you are wondering) (200)
L - 240 cal Lean Cuisine Meatloaf (I didn't like the sauce on the meatloaf so I didn't eat all of it - I hope that saved me some calories), 2 clementines (300)
Party - cupcake, 1 mini-sugar cookie, half wheat dinner roll sandwich, veggies, chips, dip
Cupcakes avg about 300 cal, cookie 60, sand about 125, chips/dip 200, veggies 50
D- potpie, no sugar added, sweetened with splenda peach cobbler 270 calories and I left about 1/8 of it
Aprox 2100 for the day

One thing I noticed that I don't mention my "drinks" much. I typically drink water through out the day. If I go out to eat I normally drink iced tea. For me I can REALLY tell the difference if I don't drink at least a gallon of water a day. (I prefer more - I live in a desert people it is important!) But I challenge anyone out there to drink more water and see if you don't notice less headaches and fatigue. It really makes that go away. It helps your blood move through your body swifter - almost like lubrication for it! (I heard moving through your body swifter part from a phlebotomist.)

Random Thoughts

• Shopping with my husband is the most frustrating thing. I think because he chooses times when I am on a specific mission to go "looking around." Yesterday it was on my time to go grocery shopping he wanted to go to Office Max and Bed Bath and Beyond and where ever else just to putt around. I prefer to get to Sam's Club early and not fight the crowd.
• A puppy party is more fun then you think. Especially since there was a pool and a couple dogs (dogs not kids!) fell in. One dog fell in twice! My dogs ran almost the whole time.
• Trying to write on the blog with Darren in the room - also difficult ;-) he likes to ask random meaningless questions while I am concentrating or play awful music.
• Me - My first car was a 1975 Chevy Impala. It was awesome. I fit 11 people in it to go to lunch. And raced it down Craig Rd which used to be a two lane road back in the day.

Cool things happened this week
My niece called me I think Tuesday morning from New Jersey and said she was inspired by me! It was definitely a confidence booster! Now if I could just get her to comment here so I know she is still in my corner. ;-)
You guys that are commenting here and on FB really are awesome. Stacy - can't wait to get on the cruise with you too! Good luck on the diet.
Coni - you are awesome! Congrats on breaking that plateau!
Yesterday grocery shopping - I had a full argument with myself because that is one of the times I usually put $20 (or more) into a machine on the way out. I didn't! Walked right on out! (It is sad that I have to have that argument with myself.)

Diet Day 6

247.6 that's right 3 pounds this week! Woot!

It was definitely an amazing feeling to step on that scale yesterday morning and see that. I was in such shock. If the weight loss could at least be this steady it wouldn't be so hard to stick to. It's when those plateaus kick in that I feel I will fail you all I will hope not though.

Food for yesterday
B - whole wheat english muffin, 1 tbls shredded cheese (I measured!), 1/2 grapefruit - that is 190 calories by the way!  (If you like salsa you could add 2 tbls for only 9 more calories)
S - 100 calorie blue berry yogurt
L - 240 cal lean cuisine (chick chow mein), apple (50), 1 small mini round (50)
S - orange (60), 1/2 FF milk (45)
D -.... well this is where I failed. I had all good intentions and my poor will power gave in. I had half a prime rib (300 ish cal), baked potato w/butter, (250), bread (going to guess at 250), bacon wrapped dates (300ish), glass of wine (114) - HOLY CRAP 1200 cal in ONE MEAL.
If you broke out your calculator that was 1935 for yesterday! The only good thing I did is - we got dessert to go and I ordered Black Forest Cake. (Cherries) I don't like cherries so i knew I wouldn't be eating it.

Today I will be going out grocery shopping again. I have a "puppy" birthday party to go to and a dinner at a restaurant again. (Meeting the mom of the girl who asked Josh to Sadies.) The plan... eat before the party and order salad at dinner and have Josh be my will power. (well scratch that I just looked at the menu online and all they have are side salads... they have a "little less" menu that I can get the Tri-Tip without gravy or muffin for 800 cal or the potpie for 710.) If I stick close to 200 for B and L, I should be ok and back on track for today.

I find it very, trying to find the right word here, annoying... tiring, frustrating - to have to spend SO much time thinking about food. But it is when I don't think about it that I get fatter. I do hope that once I do get down under 180 pounds that I won't have to put this much effort into it. My hope is that this becomes so part of my nature that I don't even notice.

Random Thoughts

• Puppies make your heart fill with love with their sweet faces and knowing that if you just give them a small scratch behind the ears they will be forever yours
• I got locked in the elevator at work yesterday for 25 minutes with 2 co-workers. Best line from someone outside the elevator "Did you push the door open button?" (My instant couldn't stop it reaction - "Oh no, we didn't think of that!")
• Saw pre-views for that "My 600 pound life" and realized I should be a bit more thankful that I haven't gotten that bad. I know I am not immobile due to my weight, nor have any current health problems (I am no longer on blood pressure medicine - over a year now). So I know I probably sound pretty pathetic needing to lose 75 - 80 pounds and whining how hard it is. Life COULD be worse.
• Me - I have a gambling problem. This also is very hard to say outloud. I have gambled too much over the years. Gotten myself into a pickle a time or two (or three.) Starting today - no more. No more gambling way all the extra money I have.

If you are out there, please leave a comment or something and let me know.

Diet Day 5

249.6!

Today was much better than yesterday. I was being really hard on myself but I believe in being realistic. I am fat.  I am trying to do something about it. Talking with people at work is helpful they are very encouraging!

Today's food
B - whole wheat english muffin, 1/4 cup egg beaters scambled with a tablespoon of grated cheese
S - non-fat yogurt
L - 260 cal Lean Cusine (salisbury steak & mac/cheese), apple, whole wheat mini
S - berries and 1/2 cup fat free milk
D - 210 cal Lean Cusine, orange, mini round and 100 cal popcorn

I did 30 mins on the treadmill last night! Felt really good too. Tonight I did about 45 mins of Dance Central with Josh - that was pretty fun.

Random Thoughts

• leaving a microwavable popcorn bag in a closed office - not so great at 6am the next day
• I love that my puppies act like I am the best thing since sliced bread
• Random about me - I once had a job selling roses. Lasted all of about 4 hours.

Wow... not a lot to say tonight.

Diet Day 4

I wish I could come up with better titles...

Scale this morning 250.4

I know weight loss is supposed to be slow and consistent, but boy was I just thinking "my body hates me" this morning. How is it putting weight on takes so little but taking it off kills you. I know I am 4 days in and I need to be more patient however that is much easier said than done. (Maybe this should be the post full of cliche's.)

I didn't go on the treadmill last night and I am about to go down and do that now even though my knees/ankles are rebelling.

Food today
B - Cream of Wheat with dried fruits and walnuts (I made sure to get no sugar added dried fruit)
S - two clemintines
L - a quarter of a left over pork chop with cranberry (it was all that was left), a small whole wheat round, salad with fat free poppy seed dressing and an apple
S - blackberries and 1/2 cup milk followed  by popcorn (which i shouldn't have but it was a single serve bag - 140 calories (i have 100 cal ones I will be taking in to work)
D - left over chicken with creamy chive sauce and brown rice, an orange and a 100 cal choc ice cream bar

I decided that today in with my "random thoughts" that I would include a "random thing people likely don't know about me". My niece had a FB note with about 25 of them, some amusing, some gross and some just notable.

Random Thoughts

• Wearing heels after months of flats kills my ankles and knees - what was I thinking!?
• Q-Tip brand cotton swabs are far superior - all because they know how to make a card board stick that doesn't bend when you use it
• Pouring 3 tablespoons of Cream of Wheat into a coffee cup of microwaved-boiling water will cause it to bubble over and cause a big mess (almost like it exploded)
• Poppy seed dressing will leave seeds in your teeth
• Random thing - I LOVE arranging pantries. I put things in order, straight lines. I get annoyed when my family can't seem to put things back where they found it. I went over to my mother in law's house once and arranged her pantry so that all the cans were neat and by type. I am not an alphabetizer. And by no means a neat freak. But pantries should be organized!

It has been a rough day. I worked from 6a - 5p. I really hate being fat. What really makes me hate it is that I am not normally a person who cares really what others think. But as I was getting on the elevator today to leave - there is a girl who works in the executive offices - she is tall and skinny and is always dressed neat and pressed. I couldn't help myself from thinking "she must think I am some kind of slob." Because really when have you ever seen a fat person look "neat and pressed"? And then of course she didn't get on the elevator with me, she conveniently stopped at someone's desk. How ridiculous to think she didn't want to be in there with me.

Well that is all I have for now. Off to the treadmill.

Diet Day 3

Scale this morning said 250.6 lbs. (no cigarettes / no alcohol)

I didn't drink near enough water yesterday or all weekend really. I could really tell today while at work since I have a cup I keep full on my desk. (Side note - Cup is from a Britney Spears concert hehe) I felt a bit hungrier yesterday then the first day.

Breakfast - I swapped the cheerios with Raisin Bran Crunch - so I didn't have the fresh fruit nor the full milk serving.
Snack - Fiber One 110 calorie bar
Lunch - I went to the Palm's to meet up with my niece. I had a cup of tortilla soup and some tortilla chips.
Snack -  was  a clemintine
Dinner I made the Pork Chop with cranberry glaze with mashed potatoes and green beans. This was a big hit.

I walked 27 minutes on the treadmill.  I would have liked to longer but after crawling on the floor for the quilt my knees were killing me! I did however mop the entire downstairs which is a lot of work. I made today and tomorrow's meals in my new lunch containers from the 99cent store :)

That leads to today.
B - whole wheat english muffin with a laughing cow light wedge, 1/2 cup black berries, 1/2 cup milk, (an additional 1/4 cup in my coffee).
S - apple
L - salad w/1 tlbs fat free blue cheese, 1/2 cup pineapple, whole wheat mini-round and the Spanish Tortilla from eatingwell.com
S - 140 calorie popcorn
D - The Mango/Basil Shrimp (from eatingwell.com), couscous and sautee'd spinich. (I didn't eat all of what was shown... so I had 100 calorie choc ice cream. (I was also supposed to have a nectorine with dinner.)

I am looking forward to tomorrow. I still need to get on the treadmill tonight.

Darren asked why I was writing on a "blog." Wondering why anyone would care about my diet. I said because they care about me! (So please all the encouragement you can send my way would REALLY help.)

Random notes for today

• Josh drove him and his brother across town to basketball. I am trying my hardest not to think about it so I don't have a melt down.
• 6AM work start time is ridiculous early
• Tumeric doesn't seem to have a very good flavor but turns everything orange (or baby poop after carrots orange... just saying.)
• I didn't go to the grocery store and buy additional ingredients today (seriously helped that I didn't have a car!)

Diet Day 2

250.8lbs - I have no idea how I lost 5 lbs in a day. that is crazy. (To keep the Bridget theme - no cigarettes, no alcohol...unless you count the small amount that went into the sauce for the chicken!)

Yesterday went great! I am SO surprised at how MUCH food 1200 calories of good stuff gets you. Eating plain cheerios at the same time as an orange is like having sweetened cheerios. The one thing that messes me up on that diet is the milk. I am not used to drinking that much milk. I may have to cut it down to just what goes in the cereal and give those calories to something else.

I managed to do 25 minutes on the treadmill last night at varying inclines and speed.

Today's menu includes:
B - Milk, fruit, cereal
S - Granola Bar
L - Salad, pita, yogurt pop
S - yogurt
D - veggie, pork chops, couscous, fruit

I took today off of work. I had also taken off last Friday. Boy did I need the days off. I am hoping these next two weeks on this diet gets me in the habit of good choices. I head to Beijing on 02/05/12 so I want to know what I should and shouldn't eat. I know I should stay away from fried foods and, looking at this diet, severely increase my intake of fruit. I am surprised at how little fruit I have been eating. It isn't like I don't like it... I love apples, berries, melon, peaches, oranges, grapefruit and pears. But somehow they weren't on my regular grocery list. After Beijing, I go to San Francisco for 3 days and then a cruise the week after that. You can see I REALLY need to make good habits.

I almost forgot - I am supposed to have lunch with Jackie today. I think I will eat before I go and maybe just sit with her or have a side salad. That should help.

Other than that - my plans for the day are to do laundry, clean my room and finish a couple quilts. I also plan on making my lunches for the rest of the week. I know not too exciting am I.

Other random notes -

• I realized I had bought Monster Jam World Finals (monster truck) tickets that falls on the same day I get back from the cruise. Problem is - I can't get a flight back in time to go. This was a "me and Erik" thing. I asked Josh, and his newly acquired license, to take him. I think they will have a good time.
• I spend WAY too much money. I am promising myself no more trips to JoAnn's until I make the quilts I already have plenty of fabric for. (I can make at least 5 right now oh and finish two that I already have in the works!) And no more trips to BAR no matter how good their food is. I spend too much in their machines and eat their way bad for you food. Since I will be gone for a month, this shouldn't be too hard to stick too ;-)
• I am having family dinner night next Sunday. Our theme is German. I will have to find out how many calories bratwursts are and adjust down the rest of the day.

PS. Gratuitous use of "so" down to only 4 corrections this time!

New Diary Entry - DIET

In memory of Bridget Jones -
255lbs - up 30lbs from my lowest point in my journey since lapband / down 40lbs from my heaviest. (Difference between Jones and I - no cigarettes / so far today no alcohol ;) )

I sit here today at my laptop wondering how I could have failed so miserably at weight loss. I also fear failing anyone who reads this as well. I haven't previously stated my weight in public nor really recounted my "diet" plan. I thought, maybe, rather than try to make it a secret and surprise people, that I would instead, come here and announce to the world that I am fat and I really want to do something about it. And maybe, with your encouragement, I will.

To begin - I have found a 1200 calorie diet to follow. I would really like to run a 5k... I am thinking by Fall. I say Fall because I have so much travelling happening through Spring that I don't want to make it unrealistic. HOWEVER, I do intend on "training" for a 5k until that time. I also found a "training plan" to be able to run a 5k. Treadmill here I come.

Yesterday I purchased the types of products needed for the meal plan. Low fat, low calorie and whole wheat type things. I intend to do at least 30 minutes on the treadmill tonight.

Today's menu
B - Plain Cheerios, Skim Milk and Fruit
S - Fruit
L - Vietnamese- Style Beef & Noodle Broth, pita, milk, fudgesicle
S - Hummus/Celery
D - brown rice, chicken, veggies, fruit

If you are interested - I googled "1200 calorie meal plan" and chose the one from "EatingWell.com". (7-Day Diet Meal Plan) It has a bit of fish in it which my family won't eat, the plan is to swap it with chicken. I also plan to look up recipes under 350 calories as that seems to be what many of the choices are.

I don't know if I should be happy, sad, mad or what. I need to do this. I hate my weight.

PS - I noticed I say "so" A LOT. I had to edit this a few times to get that word out of use!