Week 2 - Day 11

243.2! (remembering Bridget - no alcohol, no cigarettes and for me... no gambling.)

I had a very rough day yesterday, emotionally. I got a "has bad behavior" email from one of my sons' teachers. Which on top of some bad grades from the three of them lead to a "family meeting" which did not end well. I won't air all the dirty laundry here but between silly "teenage" words and a disappointed Dad expressing the disappointment poorly - things were not pretty. By the time I got to my hair appointment at 7:05p I felt like I had been hit by a truck. Today is a new day.

Meals - yesterday
B - WW english muffin toasted (100) w/ 1/4 cup egg beaters (35), 1 tbls shredded cheese (35), 1/2 grapefruit (45)
S - apple (appr 65)
L - white bean and chicken soup (170), WW slice of toast (apr 120) , 2 clementines (70)
S - 100 cal popcorn, FF, SF, Coffee from Starbucks (25)
D - 240 cal lean cusine - Glazed Chicken - this one was REALLY good.
If you whipped out your calculator that was 1005 calories yesterday. I said it was a bad day.

I have started to collect things for the trip to Beijing. And have reached out to a tour company that some co-workers used so that I can hopefully see the Great Wall next weekend. I think I will need two suitcases. One for shoes, sundries, big winter coat and the another for everything else. With highs in the mid 30s and the lows in the single to low 10s - the coat, gloves, scarf and hat are going to be a necessity.

I can't believe I am going to CHINA! When I was a kid I did a report on Korea which caused me to have desire to go to Korea, China or Japan ever since. Sadly, when a customer of Acres came to the States from Korea, they weren't too keen on women leaders or strong willed women. One asked me for where their co-workers were and due to the complexity I was trying to show him... he would NOT let me walk in front of him. I had to be two steps behind and he kept looking over his shoulder to see where I was trying to get him to go. I am thinking Korea isn't for me.

Random Thoughts

• Teens - no matter the generation at some point will a) hate you, b) make stupid mistakes c) think they know EVERYTHING d) break your heart e) make you proud when you least expect it f) love you even when you think they don't
• Getting your hair done is like that "princess" moment. For a few hours you feel like you should be allowed to wear a tiara.
• Me - My family, when I was about 5 or 6,  took a trip in a motorhome from LV to Alaska. It was an amazing trip. Of all the things that I have forgotten in my lifetime - this is one that I won't. I remember sitting in the back playing UNO, and taking the ferry to Sitka. And seeing a moose with my mom on the Canada/AK border.

I plan on bringing my webcam - anyone out there use Skype? Let me know. 730AM PST is 1130PM CST (China Standard Time) - so apparently 16 hour time difference at the moment. But would love to chat with you all.

Week 2 - Day 10

245.8 - same as yesterday. I know I probably shouldn't weigh myself everyday. Although it helps keep me on track. I would hate for days to go by and not notice the weight going back on.

Food yesterday -
B - I was running late so I brought my WW English muffin with me and had the EDR cook up an egg. I did a regular egg because the cook doesn't seem to realize that "1" egg beater is only a 1/4 cup. So I didn't have my tbls of shredded cheese today. So WW English Muffin with an egg, 1/2 grapefruit with splenda
S - FF yogurt
L - Salisbury Steak w/mac cheese Lean Cuisine - 260, 2 clementines
S - 1/2 cup raspberries and 1/2 cup Skim Milk
D - I had the chicken tikka (which I couldn't eat all of) 1/4 cup(ish) white rice, a full Naan ( :( ), and one samosa (the veggie in pastry thing) - so not perfect but not bad either.
ww = whole wheat / ff = fat free

I had a massage last night. It was awful. I know the guy meant well by trying to work out all the knots in my shoulders - but I really just wanted to relax. Which I did tell him but that didn't seem to stop him. I had to tell him a couple of times to use less pressure and today I am just freaking sore.

I love training. I don't know why but I get so excited to stand up there and do my thing. I miss it... A LOT. I taught a short class yesterday (for those who don't know - my current job as the Sales and Service Readiness Training Supervisor at IGT doesn't afford me much training time. My team does all the training now. We train all the internal IGT Employees on how to use our products from Hardware [slot machines] to Software [casino management applications.] I used to be part of the teams that travelled and taught to casinos.) The short class I taught yesterday was on some of marketing applications. I jammed through it.

In talking to Leslee yesterday about why this weight loss attempt and not Weight Watchers or something else... I explained that I am trying this option because it is something "I" have done the leg work to figure out. Weight Watchers has you calculate points and you choose your foods based on the points you have allotted for the day. Nutri-System which I have done in the past sends you the foods (I think like Jenny Craig) which to me doesn't tell  you WHY you are choosing those foods. Like are they non-fat, high fiber or because they are X calories. I am sure you could read the labels and find out... As for calculating points - it is very similar to just counting the calories. As I explained to Les, the thing I have learned so far is the veggie/fruit intake. With WW you now can eat all the fruits and veggies you want at no points. I think they did this because they realized that if I had the choice to spend 5 points on a banana or 5 points on a cookie - I would eat the cookie. So this way people eat the fruits and veggies to keep them feeling full longer and spending their points differently. Counting calories is similar - are the gazillion points for the french fries really worth it or should I have the whole wheat, low fat sandwich, apples and salad with ff dressing instead (and likely for LESS calories)? I have to get this through my head - daily.

Random Thoughts

• Women over 10 years of age should NOT wear bows or frilly things in their hair
• Just because the spandex spreads over your fat tush doesn't mean you look good in it
• I miss my Dad. He is funny (and of course still treats me at times like a kid) but when you have a small family you miss the few you have. He lives in Yuma in the winter.
• Me - I hate lotion. Ok maybe not hate - but have a strong dislike for it. I don't like that feeling of having it on my hands or my any of my skin really. Yes my skin usually looks kind of ashy - I do live in a desert. If I am having a day of really itchy dry skin I will put it on but usually take a towel and wipe most of it off.

Marci and Jen! Thank you for commenting. It means SO much to me to have you guys here! We can do this. Have faith.

Diet Day 9

I am so confused as to what day I am on. I hope that is right.

Today's weigh in - 245.8!
So that is 5 pounds. (I guess 10 if you count last Sun/Mon's freakish 5 lb disappearance.) I do try to weigh myself the same time every day. First thing in the morning after my normal routines.

Yesterday's meals
B - Cheerios/FF milk (which I didn't drink all of), clementines
S - FF yogurt
L - 240 cal lean cuisine (Butternut Squash Ravioli), apple
S - 100 cal popcorn
D - 150 calorie chicken patty that had red pepper, onion and feta in it - I put it on a 100 cal toasted WW English muffin with homemade bread and butter pickles and a little brown mustard. It was yum! Also with clementines. Then had a Nature's Own Whole Wheat bread slice toasted, with a couple squirts of I Can't Believe It's not Butter spray and 1/2 tablespoon of honey (80 cal!)

Last night I picked up Mexican food for Darren and the boys and did not get anything for myself. What a test of will power. It smelled SO good. But I knew I couldn't order anything without over doing it so I stayed away.

I have been off the treadmill routine and need to get back into it. However, I have a massage tonight and dinner out with Leslee. I plan on only having Chicken Tikka Masala and 1/2 piece of Naan which "should" be around 450 calories. Which means likely no treadmill tonight.

Random Thoughts:

• I need to start running a list of these notes as I think of them through out the day because I come up with good ones and forget by the time I sit down the next day to write
• My "skinny" clothes aren't fitting me right now. All the clothes I purchased at my low weight (220 lbs) barely will button. I am wearing my larger clothes right now to feel more comfortable.
• Does anyone have "must do" for Beijing?
• Me - (these are getting harder and harder by the way) I want to drive a race car. There are days when I would like to be a race car driver like my Dad - race those old beaters around the oval! One of my life long dreams has always been to have my Dad build a race car for me and get to race at the speedway - not just once either. Let that become my hobby. But that is a VERY expensive hobby!

3 and half days until I fly to Beijing. It isn't helping that my boss keeps calling me and asking if I have packed yet. I keep telling him - NO! I don't leave til Saturday so I have all day Friday to do it.

Darren and I are having an early Valentine's dinner on Friday at Texas de Brazil. (Brazilian BBQ) I plan on eating basically lettuce all day :), staying away from the salad bar at the restaurant (only because they have lots of cheese and more than just salad on there) and no alcohol or dessert. Again, I hate that I have to plan like this. It is frustrating that because I have let myself get this fat that I can't have one day to do what I want. I know I should be thinking that once I am at my goal weight (which I am hoping for 175lbs) that I could have a night of whatever and get right back on track. I hope that by doing this now that I set good habits, make this second nature and won't feel guilty for one night of extravagance someday. I want to kick and scream and say "just make it disappear! Why isn't it easy!" I find myself often falling into the trap of "what if" or fantasy wishing so desperately that it could just be the dream world. Like - "What if I could just take a pill and the fat would disappear?" "What if I hit the lottery?" Oh well. Here I sit, at my blog, wishing I was Marilyn Monroe and eating Bon Bons instead :D

Diet Week 2

I have been petrified to step on the scale. Coming here to tell you I had undone everything I did last week scared me. However, I forced myself on before work this morning.

247.8 - A HUGE sigh of relief came out of me. Thank goodness. And today I am back on track and nothing to throw me off.

Yesterdays Meals
B - Cheerios w/ 1/2 cup skim milk and an orange
S - 2 clementines
L - Vietnamese Style Beef/Noodle, whole wheat English muffin with 1 tbls of shredded cheese melted (I know weird combo) 100 calorie nestle bar.(Note about the soup, I did not cook the meat first - I threw the veggies in the pot and let them sweat a bit, added the broth/water let the whole thing boil rapidly (all while the meat sat in about 1/4 soy sauce) then threw the whole lot into the boiling water. When I have gone to Pho restaurants they let the meat cook in the boiling water. I figure this saves fat calories!
S - 100 cal popcorn
D - our theme was German. I knew that a bratwurst was 200 cal w/bun 300 total. So I had one and got just a small helping of my sisters saurbraten, German potato salad w/o bacon, and German Red Cabbage. OMG her stuff was DELISH! I had another small helping of each. She also made this Cinnamon Cake/Bread thing - which I had a whole piece of. I started with a half and went back for the other half. My niece, at least she tried ;) brought Eclairs - little mini ones. I think I had 3 or 4 of those.

So I am guessing I came in around the 1700 mark. I didn't have any wine and stuck with just water. It is hard to make those choices and apparently I didn't do very well. Stupid eclairs :-P

So today I am back to following the plan. I have 5 days left before China. I do plan on one night out with Leslee tomorrow night. She wants Indian food so that won't be too bad if I can keep my intake of the Naan bread down to one.

Random Thoughts

• I am a bit nervous about this trip to Beijing. Only a bit though - part of me is also just indifferent. Thinking - let's just get it done.
• I REALLY liked being able to send Josh to the store yesterday and he brought back exactly what I asked for.
• I am WAY behind in making quilts for my sisters. I need to move them up on the list.
• I am freaking out about trying to afford all my personal travel. Yuma, Panguitch, Cruise...
• Me - I have three smashed/herniated discs in my lower back. They were discovered when I worked at the Aladdin. I don't have much pain now unless I try to pick up something really heavy. They told me that it was due to my weight and pre-mature osteoporosis. You would have thought I would have done something about my weight then!

Thank goodness for spell check. I can never spell clementine right! I hate to sound like a broken record - but don't forget to comment. It helps to know you are there.

Diet Day 7

I refused to weigh myself yesterday after the blowout from Friday night and I am pretty much feeling the same way this morning. I got home way later than I expected from the dinner with the "Mom" and with a raging headache that I didn't work out as I had promised myself.

I didn't do as well as I thought I would. I should have put Erik on food watch and didn't which ended up with me have a cupcake and a mini sugar cookie at the party. (Along with half a sandwich - on a wheat dinner roll so it wasn't huge, carrots, cucumbers, cauliflower, and about 5-6 potato chips with french onion dip that I love.) Then the Dinner - I did stick to my 700 calorie pot pie which according to the nutritional info also included the sauteed veggies on the side. (They looked sauteed in butter) I did not eat those. However I did have a splenda peach "cobbler". I say "cobbler" because to me cobbler should have dumpling like topping and this had a pie crust only on the top.

Normal food summary
B - 1/4 egg beaters, 1 tbls shredded cheese on a whole wheat English muffin, 1/2 coffee with 1/4 skim milk (Realized yesterday I was using the "light" English muffin which saves 10 or 20 calories - in case you are wondering) (200)
L - 240 cal Lean Cuisine Meatloaf (I didn't like the sauce on the meatloaf so I didn't eat all of it - I hope that saved me some calories), 2 clementines (300)
Party - cupcake, 1 mini-sugar cookie, half wheat dinner roll sandwich, veggies, chips, dip
Cupcakes avg about 300 cal, cookie 60, sand about 125, chips/dip 200, veggies 50
D- potpie, no sugar added, sweetened with splenda peach cobbler 270 calories and I left about 1/8 of it
Aprox 2100 for the day

One thing I noticed that I don't mention my "drinks" much. I typically drink water through out the day. If I go out to eat I normally drink iced tea. For me I can REALLY tell the difference if I don't drink at least a gallon of water a day. (I prefer more - I live in a desert people it is important!) But I challenge anyone out there to drink more water and see if you don't notice less headaches and fatigue. It really makes that go away. It helps your blood move through your body swifter - almost like lubrication for it! (I heard moving through your body swifter part from a phlebotomist.)

Random Thoughts

• Shopping with my husband is the most frustrating thing. I think because he chooses times when I am on a specific mission to go "looking around." Yesterday it was on my time to go grocery shopping he wanted to go to Office Max and Bed Bath and Beyond and where ever else just to putt around. I prefer to get to Sam's Club early and not fight the crowd.
• A puppy party is more fun then you think. Especially since there was a pool and a couple dogs (dogs not kids!) fell in. One dog fell in twice! My dogs ran almost the whole time.
• Trying to write on the blog with Darren in the room - also difficult ;-) he likes to ask random meaningless questions while I am concentrating or play awful music.
• Me - My first car was a 1975 Chevy Impala. It was awesome. I fit 11 people in it to go to lunch. And raced it down Craig Rd which used to be a two lane road back in the day.

Cool things happened this week
My niece called me I think Tuesday morning from New Jersey and said she was inspired by me! It was definitely a confidence booster! Now if I could just get her to comment here so I know she is still in my corner. ;-)
You guys that are commenting here and on FB really are awesome. Stacy - can't wait to get on the cruise with you too! Good luck on the diet.
Coni - you are awesome! Congrats on breaking that plateau!
Yesterday grocery shopping - I had a full argument with myself because that is one of the times I usually put $20 (or more) into a machine on the way out. I didn't! Walked right on out! (It is sad that I have to have that argument with myself.)